Posted on 10/29/2010 6:01:39 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
That last cartoon is an insult to King George. I’m sure he rolls in his grave every time its posted!
Don't mention the war ...
An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and the other hand pulling a male buffalo with the other. He says to the waiter: “Want coffee.”
The waiter says, “Sure, Chief. Coming right up.” He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee.....
The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere and then just walks out.
The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling another male buffalo with the other.
He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter: “Want coffee.”
The waiter says, “Whoa, Tonto! We’re still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?”
The Indian smiles and proudly says, “Training for position in United States Congress. Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for others to clean up, disappear for rest of day.”
ON NOVEMBER 2 VOTE THEM ALL OUT OF OFFICE!
Mmmm. Malk.
Everyone seems to be in such a hurry to scream ‘racism’ these days.
So, the customer asked, “In what aisle could I find the Polish sausage?”
The clerk looks at him and says, “Are you Polish?”
The guy (clearly offended) says, “Well, yes I am. But let me ask you
something. If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I
was Italian? Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me
if I was German.
Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or
if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican?’ If I asked
for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?”
The clerk says, “Well, no, I probably wouldn’t!”
With deep self-righteous indignation, the guy says, “Well then, why did
you ask me if I’m Polish when I asked for polish sausage?”
The clerk replied, “Because you’re in Home Depot.”
_____
Sid the inventor is struggling through Birmingham New Street railway station with two huge and obviously heavy suitcases when a stranger walks up to him and asks, “Have you got the time?”
Sid sighs, puts down the suitcases and glances at his wrist. “It’s a quarter to four,” he says.
“Hey, that’s a pretty fancy watch!” exclaims the stranger. Sid brightens a little.
“Yeah, it’s not bad. I’ve been working on it for a while. Have a look at this...” - and he shows him a time zone display not just for every time zone in the world, but for the 200 largest cities.
He hits a few buttons and from somewhere on the watch a voice says, “The time is ten fourdy seven AM,” in a New York accent. A few more buttons and the same voice says something in Japanese. Sid continues, “I’ve put in regional accents for each city.” The display is unbelievably high quality and the voice is simply astounding.
The stranger is struck dumb with admiration. “That’s not all,” says Sid. He pushes a few more buttons and a tiny but very high-resolution map of central Birmingham appears on the display. “The flashing dot shows our location by GPS,” explains Sid. “View recede ten,” he adds, and the display changes to show the entire West Midlands.
“I want to buy this watch!” gasps the stranger.
“Oh, no, it’s not ready for sale yet; I’m still working out the bugs,” says Sid. “But look at this!” and he proceeds to demonstrate that the watch is also a very creditable little digital radio receiver, a sonar device that can measure distances up to 125 metres, a pager with thermal paper printout and, most impressive of all, an audio player capable of storing voice recordings of up to 300 standard-size books, “though I’ve only got 32 of my favourites in there so far,” says Sid.
“I’ve got to have this watch!” insists the stranger.
“No, you don’t understand; it’s not ready-”
“I’ll give you £1,000 for it!”
“Oh, no, I’ve already spent more than-”
“I’ll give you £3,000 for it!”
“But it’s just not-”
“I’ll give you £5,000 for it!” And the stranger pulls out a large wad of fifty-pound notes.
Sid stops to think. He’s only put about £3,500 into materials and development, and with £5,000 he can make another one and have it ready for marketing in only six months. The stranger frantically finishes counting out the money and waves it in front of him. “Here it is, ready to hand to you right here and now. £5,000. Take it or leave it.”
Sid abruptly makes his decision. “OK,” he says, and peels off the watch.
They make the exchange and the stranger starts happily away. “Hey, wait a minute!” calls Sid after the stranger, who turns around warily. Sid points to the two suitcases he’s been trying to drag through the station. “Don’t forget your batteries.”
OMG that site is making me LOL!!
Not for the faint of heart, but it’s a hoot!
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