Posted on 09/20/2010 8:36:27 AM PDT by Immerito
So....the democrat committee on safety in sports for us (SAS-FU!) has determined that the following rules will apply to "major league" baseball.
Bats will be made out of plastic
Pitchers will not be permitted to throw a ball with a speed in excess of 12mph.
The pitcher's "mound" will be abolished as 1) all must have a "level" playing field and 2) putting the pitcher on a mound makes the batter feel inferior to the pitcher.
As the current baseball is too hard, the new ball will be made out of plastic, must be bright pink in color, and have evenly spaced holes throughout.
The defensive team will be allowed as many players on the field as they wish.
The team at bat will be required to keep absolutely silent at all times as noise disturbes both the batter and the pitcher.
No team will be allowed to score more than one run per inning as more than one run scored makes the defensive team feel bad.
No game will have a "winner" or "loser" as we all know that winners laugh at the losers and the losers always feel bad. Instead, all games will be declared a tie and both teams will be declared the winner for trying hard so that they feel good about themselves.
Player's salaries, and all other team costs will be paid for by the "Regulation in Playing - Organized For Fun" (RIP-OFF) administeration funded by US Taxpayers.
Ball Parks will be immediately declared "too big to fail" and be maintained through annual "bail out" payments (except to the Chicago Cubs who will receive their payments through the Chicago City ACORN organization) funded by the US taxpayer.
Ticket charges will be $5,000 for an adult; $4,990 for a child; and $12,750 for Seniors. 60% of the money collected for tickets will be paid to the Baseball Player's Union. 40% will go to the BB-PAC (Baseball Player's Political Action Committee) managed by the DNC.
The SAS-FU reserves the right to make additional rules and regulations for this dangerous sport as they see fit.
Next on the agenda: the formation of the "Football Offensive Operations League Standards - Revised - Uniformally Safe" or "FOOLS-R-US".
That 25 ounce projectile is a “sliver”? Coulda fooled me.
Ouch!!! Poor guy, wish him a speedy recovery!
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