The Pack Knight
Since Jan 28, 2007

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The following acts displease me and, when I am Emperor, will be punishable by ten lashes and a day in the stocks:

Use of the following words in their modern, colloquial sense: triggered, problematic, privilege, spaces.

Use of the word “storyline” in any sports broadcast.

Going in public as a male wearing a “man bun.”

Riding a bicycle on a street or highway between the hours of 6am and 8pm.

“Uptalking” by any male.

Capitalization of the word “black” except when it is used as part of a proper noun.

Use of the word “brown” to refer to the race or ethnicity of any person or group of people.

The use of a “hash tag” other than while posting on Twitter.

Posting on Twitter.

Abbreviating the words “are,” “you,” “with,” or “to” in any written communication.

Taking a day off work for your birthday.