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I had the same idea to thread a new pipe into the old one, on the other hand I’ve heard that the pressure is tremendous and would preclude this fix.

Sounds silly, but why not ask people like plumbers who fix these sort of things on a smaller scale.

Threading a smaller pipe might reduce the flow considerably.

Nuking is out of the question.

If they could get it in the hole they would have already used what is called a tension packer to seal it. It's made of hardened steel and rubber seals. You lower it into the hole, turn it to release what looks like teeth on a pipe wrench. These teeth then bite into the inside of the pipe to hold it in place while you pull up on it causing the rubber seals to expand and press against the inside of the pipe sealing it. The pressure from the bottom side will help to push up on the packer and keep the seal.

They can't get it in the hole. There is already another pipe inside the hole, not to mention the fact the pressure keeps them from sticking anything inside the hole. Think of trying to stick a broom straw into a pressure washer tip.