Posted on 06/15/2010 8:39:47 PM PDT by SamAdams76
Okay, so here it is the middle of June and finally summer appears to have made it to New England. I do like it when I come home after work and do not have to put on jackets and such to go out and walk the dog.
And the deer flies are here. Yes, the deer flies. These are the flies that buzz around your head. Their ultimate goal is apparently to land on the back of your head and suck some of your blood but to be sporting about it, they figure they need to do at least 150 revolutions around your head first. But I got a solution for that, it's called the Tried-Not Deerfly Patch that I put on the back of my golf cap. So when I go out walking, they stick to that tape (instead of sucking my blood) and eventually die because after the walk I hang the cap up in the garage and just leave the flies there to struggle all night in a losing battle to escape. By morning, they are pretty much dead.
This is also the time of year that when you go to the Dunkin Donuts to order coffee, they ask you if you want it "hot" or iced. Well, I always get the hot coffee. It doesn't matter if is is 95 degrees with 90% humidity. I take my coffee hot. I do not like the iced tea. For one thing, too much ice and not enough coffee. For another thing, it will never equal the southern iced tea my grandmother used to make down in Alabama.
Well I just got back from a trip to Las Vegas and boy, is that place hot. But I tell you what, when you go walking around in those casinos on the strip, you wouldn't know it was so hot outside. In fact, you don't even know if it's day or night. Those slot machines sure are noisy. And lots of lights too. I like it when you win on the "Quick Hit" penny machine (max bet) - it lights up with a red border and you hear the whooping noise as it tallies up the payout. Now you can hit any button when it pays out to make it stop but I like to hear it whoop-whoop-whoop until the payout is finished and that can go on for five or ten minutes when you win over $100 which happened to me several times.
Now slot machines, you are going to definitely lose over time. So in order to get myself back to at least break-even, I went over to the blackjack tables. Now I'm pretty good at blackjack. Read all the Ian Anderson books and memorized all those basic strategy tables. But even with all that, best you can do is break-even unless you know how to count cards. You know, like in that Rainman movie.
So before my trip to Vegas, I basically practiced counting cards. I used the basic system where you add a point for 2-6 and subtract a point for 10-A. But I also learned to -2 for a five (worst card for dealer) and +2 for an ace (best card for the player). Now in a six-deck shoe, it gets kind of complicated to count the cards, especially when there are other players at the table, but it can be done if you practice enough. Also, I only played at the $10 and $25 tables so I didn't attract any undue attention by the "eye in the sky".
What do they care if I walk off with a couple hundred bucks at a time? And that's what I pretty much did most of the time. I'd go to the table with $1000 in chips and if I got down to $500, I'd walk away. But if I got to $1250, I'd walk away at $750. And if I got to $1500, I'd walk away at $1,000 (guaranteeing that I'd at least break even) and so on. One time, I got up to $3340 with a $1000 stake because I took a real chance and doubled down on two-nines with $250 on each hand. After I won that, I walked away.
But no matter, my winnings ended up either in the slot machines or at the many restaurants in the strip area. What the heck, I had a great time. Some people blow a few thousand bucks on Disneyland. I blew a few thousand bucks on Vegas. What the heck. And my drinks were free and no whining and hollering kids. So that's a bonus right there.
No hookers though. I'm a married man. Though everytime I went out on the sidewalk, there were all these Latino folks handing out cards with naked girls on them and a 1-800 number. Me, I just bought $12 margaritas and pumped a bunch of cash into the slots. Good thing for the blackjack tables, or I would have been busted by Tuesday (I spent a whole week there).
If you are ever in Las Vegas, there is an excellent breakfast place called the "Egg & I". Awesome breakfast food. There's one right by the airport and after breakfast, I'd hang out there and watch the planes fly right over my head.
Back in New England, nothing but rain and chilly weather. But finally, the weather got mild and sticky these last few days and I think it's time to break out the bathing suit and head to the beach.
Now in New England, the beach is always a great place to cool off because the sea water is ice cold, even in the middle of August. My favorite beach is Hampton Beach which is in New Hampshire and they got all the regular dives there to get a cold brew and a plate of fried clams and such. But what I really like to do is set out a lawn chair, slather on the sunscreen and get into a good book while the waves crash all around me.
I bring some bread to throw around for the seagulls. Many people hate that because they feel that seagulls are rats with wings. Which they probably are, but I like it when they land all around me and fight for the bread.
If it's a hot day, I'll dive into the ocean every hour or so to cool off. But mostly, I'm in the lawn chair reading my book and drinking from my Gatorade bottle which is actually usually full of margaritas. Yes, I know that there is supposed to be no alcohol on the beach but nobody cares because they actually think I am drinking Gatorade. What I do is fill a few Gatorade bottles of margaritas the night before and freeze them overnight so that they are nice and icy when I drink them the next day.
So I'm looking forward to the beach weather and my first "beach book" of the year is going to be "Winston's War" subtitled "Churchill 1940-1945" by Max Hastings. This promises to be an awesome book and I especially like Winston Churchill in general. Later in the beach season, I plan to tackle some Ayn Rand books ("Fountainhead", "We The Living" and "Atlas Shrugged") as even though I've read them a couple of times already, I think the times we currently live in merit me re-reading them once again.
I like Ayn Rand's books in general but they are heavy-handed at times and she really has this weird fascination with men taking women and effectively raping them so I'll skip over those parts. And yes, I'll probably skim quickly through John Galt's 60-page radio speech although Francisco's Money speech is classic and well worth reading slowly and letting every word soak in.
So then, enough beating around the bush, I finally come to my main topic which concerns my dog. Now my dog is a border collie and a very good and loyal dog. Though she does have to go for long walks frequently to burn off energy or she ends up chewing up couches and such (which makes my wife very angry). Excellent dog with good temperament and a penchant for snacking on hunks of cheese, globs of peanut butter and the occasional T-bone steak which I eagerly sneak to her when the wife isn't watching.
But this dog is often made sport of and I wonder if that does not effect the dog's self-esteem in a negative way. For instance, when I announce the I am taking the dog for a walk, she gets very excited and prances about the house, tail-wagging, ears perked up and making these yipping sounds. Everybody else in the family laughs out loud and makes fun of the dog for being so...childish, I guess.
Other times, the dog gets into a frenzy, after all, she is a border collie and full of energy. She will do odd things such as slide around the hardwood floor barking madly at nothing at all. Or my son will send one of those remote-control cars into the living room and the dog will go absolutely nuts, attempting at times to pounce on it and other times dashing behind the couch or a chair for "protection" from this out-of-control toy causing everybody else in the room to laugh at it.
So I wonder, do dogs know when people are making fun of them? If so, is their self-esteem damaged? Or do they not really care at all? I'm hoping that the latter is true.
Also, if you go to Vegas, do not ever go to the "buffets" at the casino. It's worth the extra money to go to one of the many fine restaurants. You are on vacation, dammit, live it up a little. If you want buffet, you can stay home and go eat at some lame "all-you-can-eat" restaurant.
Top Five Casinos in Vegas are as follows: Bellagios, Caesars Palace, New York New York, Treasure Island and the Luxor. I slaughtered the blackjack tables at every one of them and I spent my winnings at several of their fine restaurants (not to mention their slot machines).
I wanted to play craps but couldn't figure the damn game out.
Sure....Pelosi knows right away.
Now this is how to handle a tele-marketer!
It seems obvious to me that you have never gotten into a farting contest with a Malamute.
Craps is a great game and gives you the best odds in the casino especially if you can get 100x odds bets. Dice probability is easy to understand especially if you can count cards. Playing darkside gives you even better odds but can piss people off. But it is fun if you have several people playing it with you. Darkside is betting against the shooter; don’t pass line and don’t come.
I would say that dogs don’t realize unless they end up biting you :). That is why people love dogs. Dogs love their owners unconditionally (conditions include water, food, affection).
>>>”Now this is how to handle a tele-marketer!”<<<
Him: Mr. -—?
You: Mah-Hah?
Him: Am I speaking to Mr -—?
You: Ah-Hah!
Him: You are the homeowner?
You: Razzbanyah Yatchee Benefoochie! Humm Wunner Kiddo! Yaski-Taski a tiff-a-liff-ah-Sai!
(You get the idea.)
Why would you make fun of a dog?
Yes, I was told pretty much the same things by others. I’m going to read up on craps and be more prepared to give it a shot next time I’m out in Vegas. One thing I observed about craps when I was out there, the people playing it were having the best time in the whole casino. What a wild and crazy bunch!
ADD?
Yes, they do know. That’s why you will find poop in your slippers one morning...
Vegas is fun, but I wouldn’t take any of my dogs.
I have 5 which is one over the limit, but I just say one is visiting. I mean, I have 2 acres, and I can have 8 cows, but after 5 dogs you need a kennel license, and I’m just not going to do that.
So, anyways, 4 of my dogs don’t care when we make fun of them. I do have one that seems to get very sensitive when we make fun of her. This is most evident when we take out the peanut butter and paste a hunk on their upper palate.
The sensitive one will slink away and hide at the sight of a peanut butter jar.
I tried to teach my dogs to play craps, but the boxer just licks himself, the cha-weiner barks so much the stickman doesn’t know what bet she’s trying to make and the other 2 just lay down and sleep. The sensitive one always hides beheind the blackjack table.
Yes dogs definitely know when you are making fun of them. We have two dogs, both know and both react in a different way from the other. Our 3 yr. old male black standard poodle does one of two things. He will either continue and exaggerate the behavior that is causing you to laugh at him or he will come over anf pounce on you with body language that says “hey who do you think you’re making fun of... knock that off.” If really offended, he puts his paws high up on your person, looks you in the eye and lets out a big “whoof”. All this is done in a friendly, non-threatening manner but the meaning is clear all the same.
Our other standard poodle, an older female named Bibi invariably reacts the same way to being mocked or the target of laughter. She will let out a low multi-syllable grumbling, give you the gimlet eye and then slowly and deliberately turn her head and her gaze away from you. We’ve always taken this to mean that she thinks her masters merit a behavioral adjustment because she fails to see any humor in the situation and, furthermore, it is beneath her consideration to even contemplate ridicule coming in her direction and won’t have any truck with it. We decided to call her Bibi btw because from an earlier age she made a buzzing sound when communicating as well as often on exhale in her sleep. She’s not your run of the mill dog.
Vegas - been there twice. Once in a recession and once when the economy was full out. Had a much better time during the recession visit. Everyone fell all over us getting us one free drink and meal after another. Broke even or a little better both times and stuck to blackjack and slots. Got a sore arm but it was worth it. It was hot but we stayed inside, too, and lost track of whether it was day or night. No windows and no clocks in casinos. Enjoyed your short story.
Dogs don’t give a rats rear, however anyone who would make fun of mans best friend should have his rear kicked. Keep the dog and get a new family.
Well, I read the whole thing and was entertained by it.
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