Worst Films of All Time?

[ctdonath2]

In the spirit of the current thread "Best Films of all Time?", I just have to ask for the other end of the spectrum.

I don't mean "Night of the Lupus", "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes", or other standard bad/forgettable films. I don't mean just box-office flops. I want to see tour-de-force bad.

[BluesDuke]

The Benny Goodman Story and The Glenn Miller Story. (And just about every damn last biopic of any jazz or pop players up until then, for that matter.) The actual stories of both men were bowdlerised beyond belief in these films. (It only begins with Benny Goodman's eventual wife not being anywhere near single when they met---she was en route a divorce when she met Goodman for the first time.) About the only accurate thing in either of them was Steve Allen's physical resemblance to Benny Goodman. (Clearly, they weren't casting James Stewart as Glenn Miller according to physical resemblance.) And the manner in which the Miller film's makers treated his death---the scene in which you see June Allyson as his wife crying quietly by the radio while Miller's Army Air Force band plays what's touted as something worked up brand new, never before played, and now being played by his original request, a version of "Little Brown Jug" which is touted throughout the film as a song she loves and he can't stand---should have gotten the director drummed right out of the business. There was nothing either new or never before played about it at the time Miller died---it was one of Miller's final hits before he went into the service in the first place. A very good film could be made about either swing era star, particularly about Miller, who was at once a little more and a little less than his image suggested. These films weren't it.

The Pride of the Yankees---If only because of they way they rewrote Gehrig's famous off-the-cuff farewell speech at Yankee Stadium (sorry, folks, but history has its claims), this film should have gotten one and all involved tried by jury for post facto manslaughter. There was absolutely no excuse. That speech was swiftly transcribed and well enough available even that soon around the time of Gehrig's death that there was no excuse not to put the actual words into Gary Cooper's mouth. Or, not to put the single microphone before him that Gehrig actually did have at the Stadium, and not the small bank of mikes in front of Cooper. That's only the most blaring offence.

Mildred Pierce---Joan Crawford was an overactress. Case closed.

Every film Elvis Presley made except Jailhouse Rock, although King Creole had a few redeeming moments.

The Rocky films.

The Crying Game---An absolute bore that wasted some pretty effective cinematography. Also notable for garnering the only Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor ever given to the exposed schlong of (and I use the term very loosely) an actor who made a better-looking woman than the actual women in the film.

Oceans Anything Past Eleven. Remaking Oceans 11 was a good idea and it was a good film. Anything after that was feeding a dead slot machine. (Though I'd love to see George Clooney have a crack at remaking Robin and the 7 Hoods, if he's going to remake Frank Sinatra chestnuts.)

Xanadu. Want to know how Olivia Newton-John and the Electric Light Orchestra got their careers killed? Begin here.

The Love Machine. It looks and feels even now as though someone had thought you could make a viable film with wooden acting and stunted dialogue from the Cliff Notes of a trashy novel.

Heaven's Gate. Also known as: How to Sink The House That Chaplin, Fairbanks, and Pickford Built in Forty Million Easy Lessons.

. . . just to name a few . . .

[Capt. Jake]

Caddyshack 2. Hands-down the worst movie I have ever tried to watch.

[wordsofearnest]

My feelings also, but I’m not sure even Tommy Lee saved “In the Valley of Elah”.

[BubbaBasher]

Castaway with Tom Hanks. Part of it was really good, but the end was boring, and awful. If they had ended it 1/2 hour earlier, it would not have ended up on my list, the end just ruined it.

Agree with your opinion on the ending. If the guy had turned around and headed back to the house of the hot chick that got the package, there would have been some sense of hope and that he was moving forward.

[drjimmy]

The Sting II
Replacing Paul Newman and Robert Redford from the original? Jackie Gleason and Mac Davis. ‘Nuff said.

[sportutegrl]

I never saw Dune, but that makes sense.

[hoagy62]

Okay...my nominees would be “Why Would I Lie?” starring Treat Williams, and “Starship Troopers”.

“Why Would I Lie?” is based off the book “The Fabricator” (which was it’s original title). It’s from the early 80’s, and the ONLY reason I remember this piece of trash is because my hometown of Spokane, WA made a HUGE deal that the entire film was done in the city. In fact, they had a “world premiere” there. Massive hoopla, civic celebrations, the works. The movie opened...and everyone said “Huh?” It was mildly funny, but that’s about the best you could say about it.

(Side note: I know of 4 films done in Spokane...”Why Would I Lie?”, “The Cutter” [starring Chuck Norris], “Vision Quest” [starring Matt Modine, which was also the vehicle for the Madonna song “Crazy For You”, which was performed at the Bigfoot Tavern in North Spokane], and “Benny and Joon” [starring Johnny Depp and Mary Stuart Masterson].)

I added “Starship Troopers” to my list because my wife utterly hated it. We saw it for free on a gift coupon she got, and she told me that “even for FREE, it was a waste of money”.

[Ciexyz]

the most recent Star Trek

You jest. The latest Star Trek (starring Zachary Quinto as Spock and Chris Pine as Kirk) is one of the BEST films ever made!

[Explodo]

I nominate “All That Jazz” with Roy Schnider.

That movie should be locked up and transported to Yuma Mountain. Horrible People...Horrible Music...A complete and utter waste of everything that is holy...Not to mention one gets to see Old Jaws Guy in Jazz Tights...AND the fact that people actualy work their entire lives to be little more than dirty who-ers. Uhg...

[Ciexyz]

Daniel Day-Lewis film (name escapes me) about an oilman in Texas at the turn of the century. A terrible depiction of American capitalism. Abominable film.

[WhistlingPastTheGraveyard]

“There Will Be Blood”. Based on Marxist Upton “Don’t Call Me Larry” Sinclair’s book “Oil!”.

Anti-Christian, anti-capitalist dreck.

[sportutegrl]

You are right about HOTW, it was ‘Part 1’. Now I remember some ‘commercials’ for a Part II at the end of the movie.

[justlurking]

1)Spy Hard -starring Leslie Neilsen

"Spy Hard" was supposed to be terrible!

It was a parody of spy and action movies. Lame, yes. But some of it was pretty funny.

[Eepsy]

Are you talking about Jaques Tati’s Play Time? That film is a
window into real human experience, a masterpiece of subtlety and style.

You, sir, are a philistine.

http://www.amazon.com/Playtime-Criterion-Collection-Blu-ray-Jacques/dp/B002AFX532/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=dvd&qid=1262810955&sr=8-1

[saminfl]

I think a great movie could be made from the book, "Five Years Under the Swastika." I can almost see it as a Dutch Tom Sawyer.

[saminfl]

I think a great movie could be made from the book, "Five Years Under the Swastika." I can almost see it as a Dutch Tom Sawyer.

[rlmorel]

Gary Cooper is so embarrassed by his participation in “Moby Dick” that he refused all requests to reproduce or show any part of the movie, or so I am told.

[justlurking]

I nominate Last Action Hero with Arnold as the worst big budget movie I ever saw.

Apparently, you took "Last Action Hero" way too seriously.

Once I realized it was a satire, I thought it was funny. Not great, but not bad.

"True Lies" hit the mark(s) that "Last Action Hero" missed, if you can get through the parts where a teen-aged Elisha Dushku was screaming to the point where my ears started bleeding.

[Tijeras_Slim]

Gary Cooper was in Moby Dick?

[wally_bert]

Good selections.