...but not the other half. What about them?
Did I strike a nerve?
Seek you own reason why you maybe running in contradiction to God's dictates if that is what you fear you are doing and it actaully concerns you.
Figure out, if you are indeed Catholic, if your need for intellectual recognition and self congratulation is truly compatible with your faith.
Determine if your rationalizing is trying to in act whatever adjustments you need to make you feel right.
Only God knows your heart, and since you profess you are Christian and may well be either in practice or by intent I can't and wont judge you in that capacity.
But all his people can see your actions and words.
Do they serve him and by extension your immortal future, or do they betray them both?