Posted on 04/24/2009 5:41:19 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
A French doctor says ‘Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him looking for work in six weeks.
A German doctor says ‘That is nothing; we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks.
The Russian doctor says ‘In my country, medicine is so advanced that we can take half a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for work in two weeks.
An American doctor, not to be outdone, says ‘You guys are way behind.
We recently took a man with no brains out of Illinois , put him in the White House, and now half the country is looking for work.
We got into the 90s and the same warning was sounded around here.
McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini,
each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar.
When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed,
the Irishman started to leave.
“S’cuse me”, said a customer,
who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done,
“what was that all about?”
“Nothin’, said the Irishman,
“me wife just sent me out for a jar of olives!”
A new supermarket opened here. It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh mown hay.
In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks with onions.
When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.
The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread and cookies.
I don’t buy toilet paper there any more...
Top 10 reasons a gun is favored over a woman...
#10. You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.
# 9. You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you're on the road.
# 8. If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.
# 7. Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup.
# 6. Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo
# 5. A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.
# 4. Guns function normally every day of the month.
# 3 . A gun doesn't ask , 'Do these new grips make me look fat?'
# 2. A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.
And the number one reason a gun is favored over a woman....
YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A GUN.
Eunice Gibbons?
,,,as spoken by the two Janets - Reno and Napolitano.
Tell your daughter the only thing edible (really!) about the soy plant is the roots, and even THEY have to be fermented. (Soy sauce.)
Soy is a hormone, and will cause early physical maturity in both females and males, though males will most probably “look soft” and develop large breasts.
Chinese don’t use it except during times of famine.
This cat begging money was spotted in one of the cities of Belarus. He stays on one place with a note that reads “need money for meat and fish, bless you”. He doesn’t leave his place and protects the money just with his sight. His owner was found nearby. It was an old lady. She told the story that she had rescued the cat from the slaughters, but at that time she had already owned some pets and couldn’t feed them all, so he decided to let the pets earn the money for themselves.
Awesome idea! I don’t think it would work here. We have almost 15,000 homeless people...always begging...someone would most likely steal the cat for food.
You try to cut down on paper by doing things electronically.
I hate having papers all over the place. Don't care about saving the trees, they have been around for this long, they're not going anywhere.
You turn off lights after you leave a room.
Wouldn't everyone like to have a cheaper electric bill?
You only use air conditioning when absolutely necessary.
Once again, I like having a cheaper electric bill. I never once said to myself, "DAMN it's hot, but I can suffer knowing that the earth is cleaner." Yeah right, if it's hot, crank it up!
ROFL! Bookmarking so I can help others laugh!
And nobody caught that when the request for a specialized plate came in? LOLOL!
That is soooo wrong!
I’m as frugal as the next guy, but when Obama said I couldn’t set my AC to 75, I swear to God I cranked down the AC, opened a window and yelled “HEY OBAMA! I AM RUNNING MY AC WITH THE WINDOWS OPEN!”
One of the people in my office was in one of those internet organized public pillow fights on the lawn of an art museum.
She just left her husband for another woman.
I’m not sure what that means.
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