Haggis lays eggs????
he says, "i'll be straight home, my dear."
of course he goes to the bar after work and gets hammered. so hammered he throws up on his shirt as he's walking home. he walks into his house and his wife blows up at him.
"you have puke on your shirt! you're drunk! i told you not to go to the bar after work you son of a..!" she screams.
"i didn't!" he says. "i was walking right home and this drunk guy came over to me and puked on my shirt. and he gave me $5 to go have my shirt cleaned. look in my shirt pocket and you'll see."
so she reaches into his shirt pocket and pulls out a $10 bill.
"if he gave you a $5 to have your shirt cleaned, then why is there a $10 bill in your pocket?" she asks.
"well," he says, "he also took a crap in my pants."
How did you think the Scots invented golf?