APHORISM: A SHORT, POINTED SENTENCE EXPRESSING
A WISE OR CLEVER OBSERVATION OR A GENERAL TRUTH
1. The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.
2. Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.
3. If you don’t have a sense of humor, you probably don’t have any sense at all.
4. Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.
5. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you’re in deep water.
6. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid
of the dark to become a teenager who wants
to stay out all night?
7. Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company
can operate without.
8. Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?
9. Scratch a cat and you will have a permanent job.
10. No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a car.
11. There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity.
12. There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong
number at 4 AM. It could be a right number.
13. No one ever says ‘It’s only a game.’ when their team is winning.
14. I’ve reached the age where the happy hour is a nap.
15. Be careful reading the fine print. There’s no way you’re going to like it.
16. The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.
17. Do you realize that in about 40 years, we’ll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?
(And rap music will be the Golden Oldies!)
18. Money can’t buy happiness — but somehow it’s more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than in a Yugo.
19. After 50, if you don’t wake up aching in every joint, you are probably dead!!
20. Always be yourself because the people that matter
don’t mind, and the ones who mind, don’t matter
these are great jaycee.. just sent out to my email list..
have a good day all. .very cold here but I must be busy so cant be here to play!
17. Do you realize that in about 40 years, we’ll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?
(And rap music will be the Golden Oldies!)
Morning, jaycee!
1. A bicycle can't stand alone because it is two-tired.
2. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway).
3. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
4. A backward poet writes inverse.
5. In democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.
6. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
7. Seven days without a pun makes one weak.
8. If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
9. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
10. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.
11. When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
12. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
13. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
14. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
15. Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.
16. He often broke in to song because he couldn't find the key.
17. Every calendar's days are numbered.
18. A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours and 'taint mine.
19. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
20. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
21. A plateau is a high form of flattery.
22. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
23. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
24. When you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
25. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
26. When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
27. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
28. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
29. Acupuncture is a jab well done.
30. Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.
Good list of Aphorisms!