You sound like an ideal candidate for a .22 revolver or semi-auto like the Phoenix Arms HP22. Load it with Remington or Winchester jacketed hollowpoints. When you shoot it, it will not jump around in your hand, you can practice cheaply with either hand, and you will build confidence in handling and relying upon a weapon, to the point of making a head shot if required to defend your life or the life of a family member. Eventually, if you practice often enough, you may want to move up to a nice semi-auto .380 or even a 9mm semi-auto. But you cannot go wrong with a .22 six shot revolver and lots of practice to make you comfortable.
BTW, I’m a strong older man and I have a concealed carry permit in my state, and I carry the Pheonix arms ten shot semi-auto at cewrtain times when I do not feel as comfortable for concealment with a .38 special 2 inch barrel snubby or my .45 1911 spitter of flying saucers.