Posted on 12/05/2008 7:24:26 AM PST by Lucky9teen
| You Know a Lot About Christmas |
 You know tons about the history and traditions surrounding Christmas. When you celebrate the holidays, you never forget their true meaning - or all the little fun details. Random Christmas fact: Theodore Roosevelt banned Christmas trees in the White House. |
Okay, I just randomly picked the David Blaine entry and laughed out loud for 5 minutes straight...my customers ask me what’s so funny and I CAN’T TELL THEM !!...magritte
| You Know a Lot About Christmas |
|
You know tons about the history and traditions surrounding Christmas. When you celebrate the holidays, you never forget their true meaning - or all the little fun details. Random Christmas fact: Theodore Roosevelt banned Christmas trees in the White House. |
The Tax Poem
At first I thought this was funny...Then I realized the awful truth of it. Be sure to read all the way to the end.
Tax his land,
Tax his bed,
Tax the table
At which he’s fed.
Tax his tractor,
Tax his mule,
Teach him taxes
Are the rule.
Tax his work,
Tax his pay,
He works for peanuts anyway!
Tax his cow,
Tax his goat,
Tax his pants,
Tax his coat!
Tax his ties,
Tax his shirt,
Tax his work,
Tax his dirt.
Tax his tobacco,
Tax his drink,
Tax him if he
Tries to think.
Tax his cigars,
Tax his beers,
If he cries, tax his tears.
Tax his car,
Tax his gas,
Find other ways to tax his ass.
Tax all he has
Then let him know
That you won’t be done
Till he has no dough.
When he screams and hollers,
Then tax him some more,
Tax him till he’s good and sore.
Then tax his coffin,
Tax his grave,
Tax the sod in which he’s laid.
Put these words upon his tomb,
“Taxes drove me to my doom.”
When he’s gone,
Do not relax,
Its time to apply the Inheritance Tax.
Accounts Receivable Tax
Building Permit Tax
CDL license Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Dog License Tax
Excise Taxes
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment Tax
(FUTA)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Fuel Permit Tax
Gasoline Tax (State and Federal)
Gross Receipts Tax
Hunting License Tax
Inheritance Tax
Inventory Tax
IRS Interest Charges IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax)
Liquor Tax
Luxury Taxes
Marriage License Tax
Medicare Tax
Personal Property Tax
Property Tax
Real Estate Tax
Service Charge Tax
Social Security Tax
Road Usage Tax
Sales Tax
Recreational Vehicle Tax
School Tax
State Income Tax
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA)
Telephone Federal Excise Tax
Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax
Telephone Federal, State and Local Surcharge Taxes
Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax
Telephone Recurring and Non-recurring Charges Tax
Telephone State and Local Tax
Telephone Usage Charge Tax
Utility Taxes
Vehicle License Registration Tax
Vehicle Sales Tax
Watercraft Registration Tax
Well Permit Tax
Workers Compensation Tax
STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY?
Not ONE of these taxes existed 100 years ago, and our nation was the most prosperous in the world.
We had absolutely no national debt, had the largest middle
class in the world, and Mom stayed home to raise the kids. What happened? Can you spell “politicians”? And I still have to “press 1” for English!
| You Know a Lot About Christmas |
|
You know tons about the history and traditions surrounding Christmas. When you celebrate the holidays, you never forget their true meaning - or all the little fun details. Random Christmas fact: December 25th was not celebrated as the birthday of Christ until the year AD 440. |
A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye. It reads:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
10 MILES
He thinks it was just a figment of his imagination and drives on without a second thought. Soon he sees another sign which says:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
5 MILES
Suddenly, he begins to realize that these signs are for real. Then he drives past a third sign saying:
SISTERS OF ST, FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
NEXT RIGHT
His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On the far side of the parking lot is a somber stone building with a small sign next to the door reading:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks,
“What may we do for you, my son?”
He answers, “I saw your signs along the highway, and was interested in possibly doing business.”
“Very well, my son. Please follow me.”
He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door, and tells the man,
“Please knock on this door.”
He does as he is told and this door is answered by another nun in long habit, holding a tin cup. This nun instructs,
“Please place $50 in the cup, then go through the large wooden door at the end of this hallway.”
He gets $50 out of his wallet and places it in the second nun’s cup. He trots eagerly down the hall and slips through the door, pulling it shut behind him. As the door locks behind him, he finds himself back in the parking lot, facing another small sign:
GO IN PEACE
YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED
BY THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
At a southern university, students in the psychology program were attending their first class on emotional extremes.
“Just to establish some parameters,” said the professor to the student from Arkansas, “what is the opposite of joy?”
“Sadness,” said the student.
“And the opposite of depression?” he asked of the young lady from Oklahoma.
“Elation,” she said.
“And you sir,” he said to the young man from Texas, “what about the opposite of woe?”
The Texan replied, “Sir, I believe that would be ‘giddy up’ .”
A Fairy Tale
One day, a long, long time ago, there lived a woman who did not whine, nag, or b**ch.
But it was a long time ago, and it was just that one day.
The End
White Rock brings back a lot of childhood memories. Thanks!
Is it chocolate?
Clinton: "I knew a girl once who gave me the Hong Kong flu."
Clinton: "She love you long time."
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