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The sad, sad state of college English
The Examiner ^ | 14 Nov 2008 | Michael Olesker

Posted on 11/19/2008 10:26:50 AM PST by BGHater

Some people collect sports memorabilia, or rare coins, or sea shells from the beach at Ocean City. Wilson Watson collects sentences.

He taught local community college students for 35 years and has now slipped gently into retirement. But his students’ sentences trail behind him like ship’s anchors, evidence of the sinking of American writing skills.

Or, as one of Watson’s scholars wrote so succinctly: “Some people use bad language and is not even aware of the fact.”

Or, another: “It’s good I’m doing something with my self; Therefore, I can do better in the foochure.”

Or, “People who murder a lot of people are called masked murderers.”

Some of this feels like masked murder of the English language — such as the student who explained in a note, “I was absent on Monday because I was stopped on the Beltway for erotic driving.”

Watson taught English at Catonsville Community College — now the Catonsville branch of the Community College of Baltimore County — and through the years was occasionally amused and sometimes appalled at his students’ writing. Eventually, he started jotting down their sentences and holding onto them.

“Understand,” he says, “this is not just Catonsville I’m talking about. Through the years, I’d talk with colleagues all over the state. They all had the same stories. We’d ask each other, ‘What’s happened to writing? What’s happened to language?’”

You want more examples? How about these beauties: • “The person was an innocent by standard, who just happened to be the victim of your friend’s careless responsibility.” • “Society has moved toward cereal killers.” • “Romeo and Juliet exchanged their vowels.” • “Willie Loman put Biff on a petal stool.” • “Another effect of smoking is it may give you cancer of the thought.” • “The children of lesbian couples receive as much neutering as those of other couples."

Or, when asked to use the past tense of “fly” in a sentence: “I flought to Chicago.”

Some sentences reflect a lack not only of basic thought, but also of historical awareness. Such as: • “Benjamin Franklin discovered America while fling a kite.” • “Christopher Columbus sailed all over the world until he found Ohio.” • “Many attempt to blame Kurt Schmoke for the decline in the population, yet Donald Schaefer suffered the same oral deal.” • “Michaelangelo painted the ceiling of the Sixteenth Chapel.”

“All these sentences,” Watson says, “were written by college students who were not intending to be funny. But they don’t read much any more, and they haven’t had much exposure to language. And it’s gotten worse over the years.

“The thing that’s really concerned many of us is the inability of many students to think clearly. It’s reflected in their writing. Some of it’s just gibberish. It reads as if written by someone for whom English is a second language, with mixed-up phrases and ideas. You ask them what they mean, and they can’t tell you verbally, either.”

The result is students saying things they clearly don’t intend to say, or spelling things that make their sentences take on entirely new meanings. For example: • “Keith helps me to have good self-a-steam.” • “For example, one homeless person lives under a bride in Lanham, Md.” • “Jogging on a woman’s ovaries can be dangerous to her health.” • “Including snakes, most people consume six meals a day.” • “The French benefits of this job are good.” • “Christopher Columbus discovered America while sailing in Spain.”

“Most students,” says Watson, “make it clear that they don’t like to read, and they don’t want to read. Many struggled tremendously with their reading. So they just wouldn’t do it. And yet it’s so important.

“When you read, you get to see the language used correctly, and you’re exposed to a range of vocabulary far beyond your own. I listen to students today, and the number of words they use is limited to slang and colloquialisms.

“Also, we live in a culture where everything moves so quickly that you don’t have time to think about it. Reading lets you slow things down and think about them. But, because they don’t want to read, you get sentences like these.” • “Jogging is excellent exercise anywhere, but I prefer to jog in a warm climax.” • “My brother and I took a fairy across to Martha’s Vineyard.” • “A very good thing for your health is the Arabic exercise.”

“I should point out,” says Watson, “that there are differences in students. Adult students — of whom there are many — are very willing to do the kind of work you need to do. They’ve had experience in the workplace and know what it takes to succeed.

“And international students — from Russia, from Africa, from the Middle East — they really, really work hard.”


TOPICS: Books/Literature; Education
KEYWORDS: college; editorial; education; english; learning; teaching
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To: BurbankKarl
I bet those kids know how to put a condom on a banana though!

But not on anything else, judging by the teenage pregnancy rates.

21 posted on 11/19/2008 10:46:30 AM PST by Knitebane (Happily Microsoft free since 1999.)
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To: autumnraine

I tend to use run-ons and leave out necessary commas when writing on this forum. I thought it had improved my writing, but when I started grad school I realized I had some habits that needed to be corrected. Sometimes I use fragments for effect, and intentionaly mis-spell words.


22 posted on 11/19/2008 10:49:00 AM PST by ichabod1 (You won't know obammunism is here until it puts a boot in your (fat) bottom.)
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To: autumnraine

I NEVER jog on a woman’s ovaries.


23 posted on 11/19/2008 10:49:37 AM PST by ichabod1 (You won't know obammunism is here until it puts a boot in your (fat) bottom.)
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To: martin_fierro

nuff sayed


24 posted on 11/19/2008 10:49:52 AM PST by beefree (OKLAHOMA: Taxpayer Protection Act caused self-deportation of crimmigrants)
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To: martin_fierro; Ryan Spock; TheMom; TChris; Xenalyte; Semper Vigilantis; georgiadevildog; ...
“The children of lesbian couples receive as much neutering as those of other couples."

Oh, at least! Maybe more!

Verbal mayhem ping. Reading this sort of thing really boosts my self-a-steam.

25 posted on 11/19/2008 10:53:34 AM PST by Tax-chick ("I thank Thee, dear Jesus, that Thy will and not mine has been done." ~St. Frances Cabrini)
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To: BGHater; Tax-chick; aculeus; Charles Henrickson; dead; dighton; Ezekiel; Lazamataz; mikrofon; ...

26 posted on 11/19/2008 10:57:05 AM PST by martin_fierro (< |:)~)
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To: BGHater

You are what you read, and Gen Y’ers do not read. They skim at best, and it reflects in their vapid personalities and political preferences.


27 posted on 11/19/2008 10:58:41 AM PST by DiogenesLaertius
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To: BGHater; tx_eggman
The response from one college student to the question"What is it with the youth of today? Ignorance, Indecision, or Apathy?"

"I don't know, and I'm not sure I care."
28 posted on 11/19/2008 10:59:05 AM PST by SpinnerWebb (mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves)
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To: ichabod1

Even in a warm climax?


29 posted on 11/19/2008 10:59:10 AM PST by lastchance (Hug your babies.)
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To: martin_fierro

LOL! That’s new to me, but Bill said he’s seen it.


30 posted on 11/19/2008 11:00:30 AM PST by Tax-chick ("I thank Thee, dear Jesus, that Thy will and not mine has been done." ~St. Frances Cabrini)
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To: BGHater
I've been an English teacher/professor for long enough. This is my last year. There's very little intellectual curiosity in academia anymore... unless you include professors with PhDs in fourteenth century Italian poetry writing papers to prove that George Bush and the Republicans have created global warming.
31 posted on 11/19/2008 11:01:12 AM PST by Brucifer ("The dog ate my copy of the Constitution." G W Bush)
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To: ichabod1

Your kidding.


32 posted on 11/19/2008 11:02:50 AM PST by don-o (My son, Ben - Recruit training at Parris Island from October 20)
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To: BGHater

I feal their pane. I hate grammer too.


33 posted on 11/19/2008 11:03:50 AM PST by Titus Quinctius Cincinnatus (Nihil utile nisi quod honestum - Marcus Tullius Cicero)
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To: BGHater; All
These kids today are geniuses
34 posted on 11/19/2008 11:06:52 AM PST by Titus Quinctius Cincinnatus (Nihil utile nisi quod honestum - Marcus Tullius Cicero)
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To: BGHater

“The children of lesbian couples receive as much neutering as those of other couples.”

They sure do, little Johnny, they sure do.


35 posted on 11/19/2008 11:09:07 AM PST by Augustinian monk ("Can't we try bombing them with kindness?")
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To: BGHater

Just a few days ago, a FReeper said New York City had a contractor murder an actress. I joked with her about the error, but she couldn’t understand. She became enraged over my lack of prior knowledge that NYC had gotten the contractor to commit murder. I was familiar with the case, and I think the construction worker acted on his own. I went to great lengths to explain it to her, but she only became more insistent. I don’t know if she couldn’t understand the meaning of her own words, or if she honestly believed the city got the contractor to commit murder. Either way, it became funnier by the day, as she argued her case.


36 posted on 11/19/2008 11:15:19 AM PST by BykrBayb (May God have mercy on our souls. ~)
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To: martin_fierro

IT'S 5 cm YOU MORON!!

Not you martin, the original MORON.

[snicker]

37 posted on 11/19/2008 11:15:42 AM PST by NathanR ( Drill here. Drill now. Pay less.)
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To: SpinnerWebb
"I don't know, and I'm not sure I care."

In other words, all three.

38 posted on 11/19/2008 11:17:39 AM PST by NathanR ( Drill here. Drill now. Pay less.)
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To: Titus Quinctius Cincinnatus
I hate grammer too.

But he's a conservative!

39 posted on 11/19/2008 11:21:20 AM PST by PhatHead
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To: BGHater
“My brother and I took a fairy across to Martha’s Vineyard."

Men violating the Mann Act?

40 posted on 11/19/2008 11:22:16 AM PST by snarks_when_bored (qu)
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