It is with regret that we announce the withdrawal of Sen. Joseph Biden from the campaign. He has developed a severe case of Aphtae Epizooticae. This particular condition is highly contagious and presents a severe threat to cloven hoofed animals and other politicians who would have to work in close proximity to him.
Senator Biden has worked particularly hard to overcome his existing Alopecia Dementia and Halitosis (which was a a direct result of the Aphtae Epizooticae affliction and his inability to change his socks on less than a monthly basis.)
He will be replaced on the ticket by Hillary Clinton.
Mrs. Clinton has several pre-existing conditions such as Staurophobia, Photophobia and Alliumphobia, but we feel these will be will controlled by managing her environment carefully. She will be a fine addition to the team, and will be flourish with a steady stream of young, anonymous, unknown male interns to provide her with what she needs.
The rumor is this will happen on October 5th, not the 31st. By Halloween, Hillary will have been touring the country on her broomstick for almost 4 weeks.
roflmao!!
Which of course is their life essences. This is what your average succubus needs to survive.