what'ca been up to since Dallas lost another playoff game? It has been a long offseason, Homer... 
but I did find a way to spend my time!
I found a dog rooting around my trash, big... 
isn't he that blue nose turd hound you were sporting about last year?
Now, anyone want a beer... 
while I give my picks for this week?
Okay, let's go to the crystal ball... 
I see the NY Jints beating them Godless Deadskins in a lackluster game with the score being low, something like-- Oh, let's say 16 to 7.
Seattle Seahags play them Beeffalos at Buffalo. Guess someone has to win the game there, but if it ends in a five quarter tie, I would not be surprised.
Allegra's Texicans will surprise them Stealers 28-27 and I give lots of credit... 
to Allegra's new Cheerleader outfit! You lookin' hot, babe, and damn well armed! Eh-- make that well legged!
The Bucketteers will beat Ike to the punch pull out a squeeker over Who Dem Saints in Nawarlins. The old Dallas Texans will be scalped of their KC Chief warbonnets by One-Legged Tom and big's flavorite team other that Green Bay.
Speaking of Green Bay's Packerwackers, big, I tell ya... 
even me wearing a cheesehead will not keep the Wall's Vikes from beating them like a rented drag queen.
Detriot's Lioncubs against Atlanta's Dogfighters... 
does anybody really care?
Cincy at them Baltimore Black Birds? Outside of seeing if Ocho Cinco changes his name to Numbo Nutso, again, does anyone give a big rat's patootie?
Arizona Redbirds at San Fran? Denver at Okieland? Gadzooks! Me thinks the NFL... 
just getting all these all these no interest, boring games out of the way early.
That leaves us with San Diego's Dolts ripping up Carolina like Hannah would have had she Ike's wind power.
Read... 
my lipstick! Manning Heavy and his bucket of Colts will make a rug out of Chi-town's Bears that will rival the one Cuda has in her Alaskan Governor's office.
Last, my Boys will give the Browies a licking...
if for no other reason that them doing better than we expected last year when we had ther number one draft pick!
So, smoke 'em... 
if ya got 'em!
Whew! I NEED... 
a beer or nine!
Okay, anyone not agreeing with my picks... 
kiss my shiny metal a$$!
you pick them 'boys last year to win a playoff game or two? As if Tom Landry were still coach."
ill of Tom Landry. It could cause a metal leg @ss kickin' to occur!"