ROTFALMBO!!
Subject: FW: Manlaws, LTD....Rules Of Engagement!!
The International Council of Manlaws, Ltd. met and discussed the "Rules of Manhood".
The following, while not all inclusive, should cover most circumstances and will at least
be a good starting point.
1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.
3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed
and eaten by his buddies.
4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of
jail within 12 hours.
5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits
forever unless you actually marry her.
6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden.
However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man.
In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At
that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.
8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the
weakest.
9: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're
sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless model and
only when it's free.
10: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to
kick another guy in the nuts.
11: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
12: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
13: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
4: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies
until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as
much as the other sports watchers.
15: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza,
but not both, that's just greedy.
16: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about
his choice of beer.
17: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
(a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
(b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
(c) Another set and we can hit the showers!
18: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?"
with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.
19: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics.
Ever.
20: We've all heard about people having guts or balls, but do you really
know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the
definition of each is listed below:
- "GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being
assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "are you
still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"
- "BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of
perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass
and having the balls to say, "Roll over, You're next!"
I hope this clears up any confusion,
Sincerely,
The International Council of Manlaws, Ltd
hmmmmm, yupper!
Breaking news from Tass news wire Russia Georgia president has declared MARTIAL Law at this time over smackdown by Russia
Also another report Pretty little pony John Edward said he is not even sure if he is the baby daddy to that frilly that Rielle bore him too
HUH
Thank you for the clear and concise definitions on ‘Guts’ and ‘Balls’, I have printed it out, and posted it on the community board here in the coffee shop for others to benefit from!
(shush, there’s a group of women tearing the paper off the board and stamping on it. I wonder which word they took umbrage with? I don’t think I have the guts to ask them until they cool off and quite acting like a lynch mob, I just don’t have the balls for that job!