[Lady Jag]

 

Lady Jag's Personal Horrorscope for Tuesday, August 26, 2008 "A man thinks that by mouthing hard words he understands hard things." -- Herman Melville

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Aries (March 21 - April 19)

Good time to institute "show and tell" at the office. Why should kids have all the fun? You could break the ice by bringing in your stamp collection, no?

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

You are at a turning point in your life. Turn left.

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

You will spend a lot of time contemplating four-dimensional space. Unfortunately, you'll keep getting distracted by things popping into non-existence around you.

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

You will mortally offend a friend today when a hilarious joke pops unbidden into your mind during your friend's sad description of his problems.

Leo (July 23 - August 22)

Today is the day you will discover your larger cosmic destiny! A television infomercial and an 800 number are somehow involved.

Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

Good day to remember your kinship with all living things. Except perhaps mildew. There's no point in remembering your kinship with mildew, at least not today.

Libra (September 22 - October 22)

You feel like you're slowly being crushed at work, in a mental and spiritual sense. Perhaps travel would refresh you? For spiritually beneficial travel, I usually consult my neighborhood Astral Travel Agency.

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

You will begin an evil project, in secret. You will be successful. Although why you want to produce a cross between a St. Bernard and a Chihuahua is anybody's guess.

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

Today you will realize that you've always wanted to have the biggest ball of string in town, and will start collecting odd bits of string at every opportunity. Eventually, you will make it into the Guiness Book of World Records, right next to the < Tape Happy>record set by Mr. S. Boondoggle.

Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)

Tomorrow when you wake up, many small objects on the carpet will bring you to the alarming conclusion that you have a live rabbit in the house. Search though you may, however, you will be completely unable to find hide nor hare of it...

Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)

Your obsession with Lapsang Souchong tea takes a turn for the worse, today, as you begin secretly soaking your undergarments in it. Professional help is indicated.

Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

Flour tortilla day, today. You know what I mean.

[tomkow6]

Do you have any odd bits of string for me?

[Soaring Feather]

Cancer (June 21 - July 22) You will mortally offend a friend today when a hilarious joke pops unbidden into your mind during your friend's sad description of his problems.

LOL must be meant for Tom, he is looking for odd bits of string, poor fellow.

[MEG33]

“You are at a turning point in your life. Turn left.”

No way..that’s where the Dems are.