I would just say “Screw you, Bishop!” and go get married in the church of a more compassionate Christian denomination.
You'll notice that the bishop doesn't use phrases like "screw you", unlike yourself. He is respectful, reverent, and obedient to the matrimonial policies of his Church, the true Church which has been around for 2,000 years. The Catholic Church is the leading promoter of traditional marriage between a man and a woman, with procreation an obvious and expected outcome. The Catholic Church is in no way opposed to this man's marriage outside The Church.
and go get married in the church of a more compassionate Christian denomination.
You have your choice of 10,000 prottie me-too denominations for your ceremony so I'm sure you won't go un-hitched. Maybe you can bring in some Black Sabbath or something even more irreverent.