FACTS ABOUT AMERICANS
From Harper's Index
1. Only 30% of us can flare our nostrils. [ I can.]
2. 21% of us don't make our bed daily. 5% of us never do.
3. Men do 29% of laundry each week. Only 7% of women trust their husbands to do it correctly.
4. 40% of women have hurled footwear at a man.
5. 67.5% of men wear tightie whities (briefs).
6. 3 out of 4 of us store our dollar bills in rigid order with singles leading up to higher denominations.
7. 13% of us admit to occasionally doing our offspring's homework.
8. 91% of us lie regularly.
9. 27% admit to cheating on a test or quiz.
10. 29% admit they've intentionally stolen something from a store.
11. 50% admit they regularly sneak food into movie theaters to avoid the high prices of snack foods.
12. 90% believe in divine retribution.
13. 10% believe in the 10 Commandments. [ If the above is true, more better believe in the 10]
14. 82% believe in an afterlife.
15. 45% believe in ghosts.
16. 13% (mostly men) have spent a night in jail.
17. 29% of us are virgins when we marry.
18. 58.4% have called into work sick when we weren't.
19. 10% of us switch tags in the store to pay less for an item.
20. Over 50% believe in spanking, but only a child over 2 years old.
21. 35% give to charity at least once a month.
22. How far would you go for $10 million? 25% would abandon their friends, family, and church. 7% would murder.
23. 69% eat the cake before the frosting.
24. When nobody else is around, 47% drink straight from the carton.
25. 85% of us will eat Spam this year.
26. 70% of us drink orange juice daily.
27. Snickers is the most popular candy.
28. 22% of us skip lunch daily. > >9% of us skip breakfast daily.
29. 66% of us eat cereal regularly.
30. 22% of all restaurant meals include french fries.
31. 14% of us eat the watermelon seeds.
32. Only 13% brush our teeth from side to side.
33. 45% use mouthwash every day.
34. 22% leave the glob of toothpaste in the sink.
35. The typical shower is 101 degrees F.
36. Nearly 1/3 of U.S. women color their hair.
37. 9% of women and 8% of men have had cosmetic surgery.
38. 53% of women will not leave the house without makeup on.
39. 58% of women paint their nails regularly.
40. 62% of us pop our zits.
41. 33% of women lie about their weight.
42. 10% of us claim to have seen a ghost.
43. 57% have had deja vu. [Kay A. comment: You know, I heard that > somewhere before.]
44. 49% believe in ESP. [Kay A. comment: I knew that they would say > that.]
45. 4 out of 5 of us have suffered from hemorrhoids.
46. 44% have broken a bone.
47. Only 30% of us know our cholesterol level.
48. 14% have attended a self-help meeting.
49. 15% regularly go to a shrink.
50. 78% would rather die quickly than live in a retirement home.
51. 46.5% of men say they ALWAYS put the seat down after they've used the toilet, yet women claim to ALWAYS find it up.
52. 30% of us refuse to sit on a public toilet seat.
53. 54.2% of us always wash our hands after using the toilet. > >23.5% admit they don't always flush.
54. 55.2% will let someone else come in the bathroom while they're using the toilet.
55. 39% of us peek in our host's bathroom cabinet. 17% have been caught by the host.
56. 81.3% would tell an acquaintance to zip his pants.
57. 29% of us ignore RSVP.
58. 71.6% of us eavesdrop.
59. 22% are functionally illiterate.
60. The average bra size today is 36C whereas 10 years ago it was a 34B.
61. 85% of women wear the wrong bra size.
62. Less than 10% are trilingual.
63. 37% claim to know how to use all the features on their VCR.
64. 53% prefer ATM machines over tellers.
65. 56% of women do the bills in a marriage.
66. 2 out of 3 of us wouldn't give up our spouse even for a night for a million bucks.
67. 20% of us have played in a band at one time in our life.
68. 40% of us have had music lessons. > >44% reuse tinfoil. > >57% save pretty gift paper to reuse.
69. 66% of women and 59% of men have used a mix to cook and taken credit for doing it from scratch.
70. 53% read their horoscopes regularly.
71. 16% of us have forgotten our own wedding anniversary (mostly men).
72. 59% of us say we're average-looking.
73. Blacks are more than twice as likely to call themselves beautiful.
74. 90% of us depend on alarm clocks to wake us.
75. 53% of us would take advice from Ann Landers.
76. 28% of us have skinny-dipped. 14% with the opposite sex.
77. 51% of adults dress up for a Halloween festivity.
78. On average, we send 38 Christmas cards every year.
79. 20% of women consider their parents to be their best friends.
80. 2 out of 5 have married their first love.
81. The biggest cause of matrimonial fighting is money.
82. Only 4% asked the parents' approval for their bride's hand.
83. 1 in 5 men proposed on his knees. 6% proposed over the phone.
84. 71% can drive a stick-shift car.
85. 45% of us consistently follow the speed limit.
86. 2/3 of us speed up at a yellow light.
87. 1/3 of us don't wear seat belts.
88. 12% of men never use their car blinkers.
89. 44% of men tailgate to speed up the person in front of them.
90. 25% of us drive after we've been drinking.
91. 4 out of 5 sing in the car.
Note: Since apparently 39% of your houseguests will look in your medicine cabinet.. Here's how to get even. Next time you invite someone over and suspect they will look... take everything out of your cabinet and fill it with marbles instead. Imagine your guests surprise when they open that door! Especially good during a party.
Hollywood Squares
These are from the days when game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted like they are now. Or were they?
If you’re going to make a parachute jump, you should be at least how high?
Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
True or false, George...experts say there are only seven or eight things in the world dumber than an ant.?
George Gobel: Yes, and I think I voted for six of ‘em.
True or false...a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes...
You’ve been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
Don Knotts: That’s what’s been keeping me awake.
Can you get an elephant drunk?
Paul Lynde: Yes, but she still won’t go up to your apartment.
According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think he’s really attractive, is it okay to come out directly and ask him if he’s married?
Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.
Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say “I love you”?
Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.
What are “Do It”, “I Can Help” and “Can’t Get Enough”?
George Gobel: I don’t know but it’s coming from the next apartment.
As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while you are talking?
Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing older question, Peter...and I’ll give you a gesture you’ll never forget!
According to Zsa Zsa, does black look sexy on a woman?
Redd Foxx: I wouldn’t have it any other way...
What are “dual purpose” cattle good for that other cattle aren’t?
Paul Lynde: They give milk and cookies ... but I don’t recommend the cookies!
If you find someone lying unconscious in the street, should you do anything?
George Goebel: I’d probably crawl around him, I guess.
Paul, why do Hell’s Angels wear leather?
Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Charley, you’ve just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during your first year?
Charley Weaver: Of course not, Peter. I’m too busy growing strawberries!
In bowling, what’s a perfect score?
Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics. What is the other?
Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
Rose Marie: Unfortunately, Peter, I’m always safe in the bedroom.
Can boys join the camp fire girls?
Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
When you pat a dog on its head he will usually wag his tail. What will a goose do?
Paul Lynde: Make him bark.
If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
According to Ann Landers, is their anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
Charley Weaver: It got me out of the Army!
Is it possible for the puppies in a litter to have more than one daddy?
Paul Lynde: Why, that bitch!
While visiting China, your tour guide starts shouting “Poo! Poo! Poo!” What’s that mean?
George Goebel: Cattle crossing.
It is the most abused and neglected part of your body-what is it?
Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused but it certainly isn’t neglected!
Charley, what do you call a pig that weighs more than 150 pounds?
Charley Weaver: A divorcee.
Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
According to Movie Life magazine, Ann-Margaret would like to start having babies soon, but her husband wants her to wait a while. Why?
Paul Lynde: He’s out of town.
Dennis Weaver, Debbie Reynolds, and Shelley Winters star in the movie “What’s The Matter With Helen?” Who plays Helen?
Charley Weaver: Dennis Weaver - that’s why they asked the question.
Which stays pregnant longer? Your wife or your elephant?
Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
Charley Weaver: I’ll lend him the car. The rest is up to him.
James Stewart did it over twenty years ago when he was forty-one years old. Now he says it was “one of the best things I ever did.” What was it?
Marty Allen: Rhonda Fleming.
Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
Charley Weaver: His feet.
Do female frogs croak?
Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water.
Your baby has a certain object which he loves to cling to. Should you try to break him of his habit?
Joan Rivers: Yes. It’s daddy’s turn.