a friend of mine in Australia had to play at being a short-term bachelor hen his wife went to see Momma for a few days, and to tease him a bit I wrote this. A good lesson why leaving a man on his own often leads to trouble!
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Bacheloring is Dangerous
Now Wayne’s wife took a trip to her mama far away
so he’ll whacking in a new vanity to surprise mama with as a treat
he still managed to stir up quite a noteworthy international feat
even as he was left a short-term bach, for those few easy days
His gut got to rumbling, and food his clarion call became
and with a frightful flurry, the scene in the kitchen was insane
he added this, and added that, and a pinch then two of tarragon
paprika red and chilies mild, along with different pastas by the bag
and then the crowing touch, prawns fresh from the shore galore
Some left over potatoes and an odd little vegetable thing he’d never seen
sunflower seeds and a sort of weed that’d he’d seen in the vase by the wall
he mixed and he added things on a whim, singing some odd little tune call
perfectly sure he was a chef du jour, (whatever that might mean?)
A nice big flowered dish, and the matching cover too he found there
he buttered it inside, through perhaps, but not all that sure why,
and piled everything inside, drenching all in Guinness fair (sigh)
in the oven it went and he grinned at his mastery of kitchen flair
Back to the vanity while dinner cooked merrily away
he fitted boards and shimmed them so the fit a thing of care
and as he labored with his silly grin, he was sadly so unaware
of what was happening in that flowered pot its fair to say
The bubbling and moaning from the thing there within
was alarming to the mice who packed and left that day
for whatever was in there was not something with which to play
he never heard its birthing, its creation covered by his din
He never saw the tentacle that slipped from under the lid
nor how the thing snatched the cat and pulled it in, in a flash
he went on fitting the lower cabinet door, giving the hinges a bash
and sang louder as he fitted the sink, knowing she’d like what he did
The thing in the pot slipped from the oven, and swiftly went out the door
Leaving some bits of it as it went looking for good things to snack
Happy to just run, and outright abandon that damn noisy old shack
As cat it found good was dingo and iguana, and ‘roo even more?
It grew as it ate, and ate even more, the trail of destruction so clear to see
the line of the damage and that shiny trail of odd chili smelling slime
led troops and police speeding away like Keystone Kops doing mime
and it was one guy’s idea of an alien monster that crawled from the sea
The Navy alerted, UN troops on the run, police were packing very big guns
and they found the monster in the foothills nearby, wolfing down sheep
the piles of bones were scattered about and the hides stacked in a heap
the thing had handily consumed sheep by the flock and cats by the tons
It was that that the Guinness started to bubble, and things went a wry
and the monster belched and darkened the sky with all the ate bits
the mess was a green noxious odious slime that stuck wherever it hit
and the monster fled even before being seen by the planes in the sky
It race for Wayne’s, the place it knew as home, for it was feeling faint
and it lost size as it went, disgorging with abandon in the stress of its plight
it raced alone seeking safety of its little homey flowered pot so right
reaching ‘home’ it felt so glad, sickened by the Guinness’s awful taint
It slipped unseen into the pot and lay down to rest, its coma was so swift
so it never saw Wayne open the oven door and take out the pot with a smile
and never had a chance to say even a word as onto a plate it made a pile
nor when Wayne ate it up, making of it a short snack for this shift
Now Wayne found the taste odd, and swore not to make it again
amazed at the news of a ‘Monster’ that had cleaned out all the sheep pen
then disappeared from view, after a puke or two, as if it had never been
and as Wayne got back to work he muttered, “Its likely paying for its sins!”
Woo Hoo Cubbies Win!
Your results:
You are Superman
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You are mild-mannered, good, strong and you love to help others.  |