Games For The Elderly
Sag, You’re it
Pin the Toupee on the bald guy.
20 questions shouted into your good ear.
Kick the bucket
Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.
Doc Goose.
Simon says something incoherent.
Hide and go pee.
Spin the Bottle of Mylanta
Musical recliners.
What A Difference 31 Years Make
1970: Wore long hair
2001: Longing for hair
1970: Sitting around thinking of the perfect high.
2001: Sitting around thinking of the perfect high yield mutual fund.
1970: Finding a friend to split the price of a keg.
2001: Finding a friend to take me to have an EKG.
1970: Sitting through sessions of Acid Rock.
2001: Sitting through sessions of Acid Reflux.
1970: Thinking of moving to a real kool place.
2001: Thinking of moving to a real warm place.
1970: News stories of people growing pot.
2001: The reality of growing a pot belly.
1970: Watching John Glenn’s historic flight with my mother and sister.
2001: Watching John Glenn’s historic flight with my grown children.
1970: Trying to look like Richard Roundtree or Ron O’Neal.
2001: Trying NOT to look like Richard Roundtree or Ron O’Neal.
1970: Chewing on seeds and stems.
2001: Chewing on lots of roughage.
1970: Popping pills, smoking joints.
2001: Popping joints, needing those pills.
1970: Noting our president’s struggle with Fidel.
2001: Noting our president’s struggle with fidelity.
1970: Admiring JACK PAAR.
2001: Joining AARP
1970: Avoiding Killer weed.
2001: Avoiding Weed killer.
1970: Hoping to “get lucky” on a date.
2001: Hoping you won’t catch anything from your “lucky” date.
1970: Reading about The Grateful Dead.
2001: Reading about Dr. Kevorkian.
1970: Getting out to a new, hip joint.
2001: Getting a new hip joint.
1970: Listening to the Rolling Stones.
2001: Struggling with Kidney stones.
1970: Yelling, “Screw the system!”
2001: Reminding yourself to, “Upgrade the damn system!”
1970: Throwing the Peace sign.
2001: Watching the Mercedes logo.
1970: Friends who wouldn’t get their hair cut.
2001: Children begging to get their heads shaved.
1970: Talking to friends about taking acid.
2001: Talking to friends about taking antacid.
1970: Proud to be passing the driver’s test.
2001: Barely passing the vision test.
1970: “Whatever” was a typical response.
2001: “That Depends” is the way to go.
God, grant me the Senility To forget the people I never liked anyway,
The good fortune To run into the ones I do,
And the eyesight To tell the difference.