[tomkow6]

Today's FEEBLE

YOKE:

A man staggered into a hospital with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes, and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.

Naturally, the Doctor asked him, "What happened to you?"

"Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our golf balls into a field of cattle. We went to look for them and while I was looking around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end."

"I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it - stuck right in the middle of the cow's fanny."

Still holding the cow's tail up, I yelled to my wife, "Hey, this looks like yours!'"

"I don't remember much after that"

[Lady Jag]

Jim wakes up, at home, with a huge hangover.  He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of asprins, next to the glass of water on the night stand.  Next to them is a single red rose!

He sits down and sees his clothes, all cleaned and pressed, in front of him.

He looks around the room and sees it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. He takes the asprin and cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. He then notices a note on the table, "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping, Love you!"

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast, and the morning paper.  His son is also at the table eating.

Jim asks "Son...what happened last night"?

"Well,you came home after 3 AM, drunk and out of your mind.  You broke some furniture ,  puked in the hallway and got that black eye when you ran into a door."

"so , why is everything so clean and in such perfect order, I have a rose and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"

His son replies,"OH THAT...Mom dragged you upstairs, and when whe tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone woman,I'm married"!

Broken furniture               $85.26

Hot breakfast                       4.20

Red Rose Bud                        3.00

Two Aspirin                          0.38

Saying the right thing at the right time........PRICELESS