Imagine Rex Harrison with chewed fingernails and a Scottish accent.
If I could talk to the Taliban, just
imagine it,
Chatting with the chaps
in Pakistan,
I could be rapping with
Al Qaeda,
And all the foreign fighters,
In the Tora Bora, east
Afghanistan.
If I could talk to the Taliban
in Arabic,
Or the dialect of
deepest Kazakhstan,
Try a phrase or two of Farsi,
A word of Gujarati,
I’m sure that I could make
them understand.
We could converse in Ashkun
or Tajiki,
Learn a little of the lingo
of Pashto,
If people ask me: “Can you
speak Turkmenistan?”
I’d say: “Of course I can,
can’t you?”
If I could meet Mullah Omar
in Jalalabad,
Try a little Brown diplomacy
If I could reason with
the Taliban,
Reach out to the Taliban,
Plead and get down on my knees
to the Taliban,
And hope they don’t
behead me!
If I could speak man-to-man to
Sheikh bin Laden,
In the distant mountains of the
Hindu Kush.
Or maybe somewhere nearer,
A live debate on al-Jazeera,
I’d promise that I wouldn’t tell
George Bush.
If I spoke the native tongue of
Pashtun tribesmen,
I could guarantee that I would
end this war.
Give a massive grant
to Helmand,
Well, it always works in Scotland,
I’d even let them have
Sharia Law.
If I consulted with Algerians
and Chechens, In a safe house in east Uzbekistan.
“Where’s Osama?” I could ask,
“Is he up the Khyber Pass?”
They’d say: “No, infidel, he’s
in Londonistan.”
If I could parlay with jihadis
in Pershawi,
And negotiate with
the Yemenis,
If I could talk to the Taliban,
Give asylum to the Taliban,
Mobile phones, council homes,
long-term loans
To the Taliban,
Then they would vote for me!
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Now here a thoughtful piece! A bit fun, a bit ironic, and more then a little worthy of a second read!
Hi Fanfan, this is an amusing piece! Thanks for posting in the Lair.