Posted on 08/09/2007 5:05:59 AM PDT by StarCMC
I only do that when I am wearing leather.
ROFLMAO!! Sonora!!
Harold is 95 and lives in a Senior Citizen Home. Every night after
dinner, Harold goes to a secluded garden behind the center to sit and
ponder his accomplishments and long life. One evening, Mildred, age 87,
wanders into the garden. They begin to chat and before they know it,
several hours have passed .
After a short lull in their conversation, Harold turns to Mildred and
asks, “Do you know what I miss most of all?”
She asks, “What?”
“Sex!!” he replies.
Mildred exclaims, “Why you old fart. You couldn’t get it up if I held a
gun to your head!”
“I know,” Harold says, “but it would be nice if a woman could just hold
it for a while.”
“Well, I can oblige,” says Mildred, who unzips his trousers, removes
his manhood and proceeds to hold it. Afterward, they agree to meet
secretly each night in the garden where they would sit and talk and
Mildred would hold Harold’s manhood.
Then one night Harold didn’t show up at their usual meeting place.
Alarmed, Mildred decided to find Harold and make sure he was okay. She
walked around the Senior Citizen Home where she found him sitting by the
pool with Ethel, another female resident, who was holding Harold’s
manhood!
Furious, Mildred yelled, “You two-timing creep! What does Ethel have
that I don’t have?”
Old Harold smiled happily and replied, “Parkinson’s.”
LOL!!
Yeah, he’s always confusing Krazy Glue for Astroglide.
Rather surprising to discover.
that was LOL
not
ROFLMAO
OMG, they ran face first into the invisble post in the road!
An old one, but good (and true):
A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer.
Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, “Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.” The man said, “Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want.”
The Lord said, “Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that would honour and glorify me.”
The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, “Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what she’s thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing’s wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy.”
The Lord replied, “You want two lanes or four on that bridge?”
Do keyboards make Freudian slits?
....
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.