"ANNA'S LAST MOVIE"
"PLAYS ALIEN IN STINKER SCI-FI SPOOF"
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New York Post....LUKAS I. ALPERT...April 23, 2007
Calling Anna Nicole Smith's final film, "Illegal Aliens," the worst movie of all time is an insult to truly awful flicks.
The movie - due to hit video stores next month - was the last the blond buttercup made before her death from a drug overdose in February.
Smith's performance proves true the adage that there are, in fact, people out there who cannot chew gum and walk at the same time.
It's hard to know where to start in describing this completely unfunny and poorly written and performed farce.
The premise is that Smith - starring as Lucy - is one of three ditzy aliens sent to Earth to protect the planet from anyone who wishes to do it harm.
Conveniently, such a person appears - played by lantern-jawed actress Joanie Laurer, who is more famously known as the former professional wrestler Chyna.
That's about as far as the plot goes. It's really like "Charlie's Angels" from outer space, but only if the Angels didn't actually solve crimes and couldn't speak English - or any other language, for that matter.
Blissfully, Smith doesn't have many lines. The few she does have - delivered in a slurred, bug-eyed whimper - include these cringe-worthy gems:
* "To pee or not to pee. That is the question. I think I'll pee."
* "Wee! Bumper Cars!"
* "Nobody sticks a missile in Lucy's butt and gets away with it."
And:
* "Why is my poopy hole sore?"
Smith's untimely demise may be the greatest thing that ever happened to the film's producers, as its novelty value might actually get a few people to see it.
lukas.alpert@nypost.com
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