I wish I’d been able to do better by him, though. My husband worked, and still works, long hours, and my kids were only 5 and 9 at the time, so I was busy with them and their activities, as well as caring for our 3 acres. Less than 2 days before he died, my husband had had a day off and I had scheduled a doctor’s appointment for FIL as we were worried about him. We went downstairs to help him finish getting ready in time, only to find him at his kitchen table, NOT ready to go. He told us he decided he wasn’t going to the doctor( and a few other things) and he’d be carried out of there in a pine box. I had had it, and got angry and yelled at him and told him what was on my mind, and my husband backed me up. Hubby knew how things were, and took me out for a ride in the car and decided we needed a little distance from FIL for a bit. We had both been stressed for some time and it was a strain on the marriage and the kids. Just a week earlier I had taken him to a hospital so he could get a steroid injection in his spine, and had to take the kids with me. When we returned home, FIL had a bathroom accident, and I cleaned up the, uh, liquid on his floor and chair while he yelled at me for using his paper towels to do so. There were other incidents and we just were getting not to be able to handle it too well. Sigh.
One Saturday morning I had returned from my son’s first baseball game and heard no signs of life in the apartment. I found his door locked and looked in the windows and saw no lights. Got the key and went in, and saw the bathroom door shut so knew he was in there. Oh was I scared! Finally sucked it up to open the door, then ran outside to compose myself, telling the kids to stay upstairs. Made the phone calls and took care of things , then cleaned the bathroom after the funeral home removed him and manaaged to keep hubby calm. So, I have some bad memories but am thankful my husband nor my kids saw what I saw:) I guess after handling the crises of hubby having his heart attacks and needing to make big decisions fast, I learned a few things.
Thanks for the kind words, but I was not the saint others I have known have been, like my Grandma. I keep striving, though:)
(Smiling)...Well, I really don’t know what to say, except that I think I can now see how you are able to be so unjudgmental! LOL! You definitely seem like a very caring person, and your behavior upon finding your FIL is evident of that. It takes a strong caring person to be able to deal with those circumstances, so that your husband and children would not have to see it. (Honestly, I couldn’t do it myself.) I think that is very admirable of you (and loving, especially in the case of your husband’s heart condition). Also, even though your FIL was difficult and grumpy (and told everyone he was ‘only leaving in a pine box’), he probably appreciated your family in his own way, and just wasn’t one to show it.
******OK, I do understand that this may not be true either, but, please let me have my ‘little fantasy’ that SOMETHING good came out of your experience. First of all, you did a REALLY nice thing that many people (myself included) could not do (by sparing your husband the sight of his dad’s death). And second of all, even if your FIL was a total pain in the butt, he probably ‘appreciated’ something about you and your family (even if he hardly ever showed it).
Anyway you look at it, you are a STAR for being so considerate of your husband and your children, so kudos to you for that!
Thanks for the retelling of those events. Took some gumption to do so. Heart tugs in reading about it all. Am sure your patience was just exhaused on the events two days before your FIL died. I imagine you indeed had been better equipped to handle finding him and all that went with it after going through your hubby’s heart attack and all associated with that. You have been through a lot. Surviving all thta is in itself a victory.