Replies

KOCHANSKI Oh, that’s it. We’re fried. Unless someone’s got some really *terrific* sunblock cream.

KRYTEN Not necessarily, ma’am. I excluded the doors from the shutdown override.

[KRYTEN walks over to the door on the other side of the small room]

KRYTEN In case...

[KRYTEN presses on the control panel and the doors whir open]

KRYTEN [whining] Anything happened...

CAT You mean we spent the night crawling through one end of this ship to God knows where and back for absolutely no reason??

LISTER It was all pointless? You put me through that *nightmare* when we could just walk out that door at any moment??

KRYTEN [in tears] Mm.

LISTER Well, if you’ll excuse us, we’ve got some serious reversing to do - but we’ll talk about this, over a cup of coffee, and a hot branding iron...

[Exit LISTER, CAT]

KOCHANSKI [brightly] Well, ‘night.

KRYTEN Aren’t you mad too, ma’am?

[KOCHANSKI shakes her head and smiles sweetly]

KRYTEN You’re not, are you.

[She shakes her head]

KRYTEN I think I understand: For you, the trek through the ducts was far from pointless. It was an emotional journey where you gleaned invaluable insights into your crewmates. This was your ‘rites of passage’; you feel enriched, wiser, and somehow bonded by this in a way that... you never thought possible. Am I right?

[While KRYTEN was pretentiously expounding theories, KOCHANSKI has surreptitiously armed herself with her trusty pipe-bashing spanner]

KOCHANSKI Say - ‘nurieek’.

KRYTEN ‘Nurieek’.

[KOCHANSKI whips out the spanner and raps KRYTEN smartly over the head]

KRYTEN Oof.

KOCHANSKI Say ‘rotut’.

KRYTEN ‘Rotut’.

[Again the spanner flies, resulting in a satisfying ‘clang’ of metal against metal]

KRYTEN Ooh.

KOCHANSKI Say ‘hernunger’.

KRYTEN Er, ‘hernunger’.

[Clang]

KOCHANSKI ‘Nurieek’.

KRYTEN ‘Nurieek’.

[Clang]

KOCHANSKI ‘Rotut’.

KRYTEN ‘Rotut’.

[Clang]

KOCHANSKI ‘Hernunger’.

KRYTEN ‘Hernunger’.

[Clang]

KOCHANSKI ‘Sqweloookal’.

KRYTEN ‘Sqweloookal’.

[Clang]

KOCHANSKI ‘Rotut’.

KRYTEN Oohh! ‘Rotut’.

[Clang]

KOCHANSKI ‘Nurieek’.

KRYTEN Ooh! ‘Nurieek’.

[Clang]

KOCHANSKI ‘Hernunger’.

KRYTEN ‘Hernunger’.

[Clang]

KOCHANSKI ‘Sqweloookal’.

KRYTEN ‘Sqweloookal’.

[Clang]

KOCHANSKI ‘Nurieek’!

KRYTEN ‘Nurieek’.

[Clang]

[Sound and picture begin to fade]

KOCHANSKI ‘Rotut’!

KRYTEN ‘Rotut’.

[Clang]

KOCHANSKI ‘Hernunger’!