Bigger in Texas As everyone knows, everything is bigger in Texas. The roads are bigger, the trees are bigger, and the wide open spaces are, well, wider. Texans wear the biggest hats, the biggest boots, and drive the biggest cars.
One day, a Texan died and went to heaven. He was met at the pearly gates by none other than St. Peter, who proceeded to give him a tour of the wonders of heaven.
The Texan, however, was not impressed.
St. Peter showed him the most beautiful rivers, and the Texan said that they were bigger in Texas. St. Peter revealed to him the majesty of mountains, but the Texan reminded him that they were just as good, if not better, back in Texas.
St. Peter showed him the glory of the stars (they shine brighter in Texas), the enormity of the sunrise (you haven't seen it until you've seen it in Texas), and the simple wonder of a doe and a fawn drinking at a lake at sunset (reminiscent of Lake Texarkana, only not as pretty).
There was nothing St. Peter could do to overcome the man's opinion of his home state. Finally, St. Peter took the Texan right out to the edge of heaven, and they both looked down.
From there one could see all the way down into Hell. They could see the fire and the brimstone and the agony ad infinitum. It was a horrific sight.
St. Peter then said, "Well? What do you think about that? Have anything like THAT down in Texas?"
The Texan replied, "No sir, we don't -- but I know a couple old boys down in Houston who will put that out for ya."
Good one. Red Adair: Firefighter extraordinaire.
ROFLOL. I love it.