For those long road trips.
Posted on 12/29/2006 12:09:39 AM PST by sully777
LOL! Naw, I'll bet his messed-up hand will cause him to turn that gig down.
For those long road trips.
Is she brushing her hair??
Sounds like you and I were both bad this year...
2:30 Christmas day... grandfather starts having chest pains...
4:30 Decides that the pain is not just indigestion and goes to the hospital...
10:30 Doctors determine that it was, in fact, a heart attack...
9:00 am Dec 26... My father, who was at the hospital til 1:00 am, decides that it's finally time to let ME know that my grandfather has had a heart attack...
9:01 Rush to the hospital...
1:30 pm Dec 28... Grandfather released after the doctors determine that it was a blood clot that caused the attack and that there isn't much they can do other than change his medication... No sense in operating on a 90 year old...
Holiday Stress Diet
The following diet is designed to help you cope with the stress that builds up during the holidays.
Breakfast:
1/2 grapefruit
1 slice whole wheat toast
8 oz. skim milk
Lunch:
4 oz. lean broiled chicken breast
1 cup steamed spinach
1 cup herb tea
1 Oreo cookie
Mid-Afternoon snack:
The rest of the Oreos in the package
2 pints Rocky Road ice cream, nuts, cherries and whipped cream
1 jar hot fudge sauce
Dinner:
2 loaves garlic bread
4 cans or 1 large pitcher Coke
1 large sausage, mushroom and cheese pizza
3 Snickers bars
Late Evening News:
Entire frozen Sara Lee cheesecake (eaten directly from freezer)
RULES FOR THIS DIET:
1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are cancelled out by the diet soda.
3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you do not eat more than they do.
4. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.
5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.
6. Movie related foods do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel.
Examples:
Milk Duds, Red Hots, Tootsie Rolls and Red Vines.
7. Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking causes calorie leakage.
8. Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something.
9. Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories.
Examples:
Spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and mashed potatoes.
10. Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food color.
11. Anything consumed while standing has no calories. This is due to gravity and the density of the caloric mass.
12. Anything consumed from someone else's plate has no calories since the calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to his/her plate. (We All know how calories like to cling!!)
REMEMBER: STRESSED SPELLED
BACKWARDS IS DESSERTS
Yes, she is......Talk about a "Bad hair day"
We can only hope that the upcoming year is better, my FRiend.....Sounds like you really need a silliness injection....
I'm going to need one of these this weekend. I'm taking down the monster tree. Took me hours to get the decorations off of it last night.
Sounds more like a suitable case for the application of "High Explosives"
New Airline Security Procedures
Or something like that...
BTW... my grandfather seems to be none the worse for wear. They caught it early enough to minimize the damage.
Buy me one!!!
My keyboard fits with my job.
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