[Reformatted by Elmer Fudd.]
Very good! Here's a much better one.
Formatted by 'Spike' from Tom and Jerry.
Subject, dig dis: De way uh de future-Holmes Hughes once said. ah' am willin' t'release some politically/mo'ally co'rect, fully adequite letta' to de press if any uh ya' is willin' t'help. Jes hang loose, brud. Simply t'state mah' oppinions on how our society should be educated on fo' de betta' of our country. Slap mah fro! Our sucka's. Also cuz' I gots such an impact on our yunga' generashuns, as well as generashuns olda' dan me. Which we all know and kin obviously see. Sucka's is plum mean. 'S coo', bro. ah' am goin' t'proceed wid puttin' LR t'court if need be fo' whut she's done t'me. Its mah' life. ah' wanna live it. Man! Sucka's kinnot honky jibe and dink dat it be coo' t'continue on havin' done so. 'S coo', bro. Simply cuz' dey gots'ta do it again t'some sucka else, and dat be not way coo' wid me. ah' have had many downs and waaay downs, as do we all. But t'make false accusashuns t'one goat be unplum in mah' oppinion. 'S coo', bro. Havin' said dis, ah' am willin' t'do nuthin ah' need t'get mah' life da damn way it should be and da damn way ah' wo'k fo' it t'be.. And gots dus far in mah' career. Ah be baaad... Let's sue da damn tabloids fo' sayin' de doodads dey say. Slap mah fro! Defamashun uh character. Ah be baaad... Amongst oda' illegal accusashuns, ah' gots'ta repeat dis upside and upside to make mah' point. Man! ah' ain't fully aware uh whut dese, again, accusashuns are, but ah' am fully and eagerly prepared t'learn dem. WORD! Gots Harvey and all lawyers help me please. If he be willin'. Al Go'e gots'ta help me he came down t'me last night and said he would be real happy t'have some conversashun wid me. If he be willin' t'help me, let's find out. Man! Hilary Clinton, Bill Clinton, and Evan metroplis, and Raz'tus Daur who wo'ks wid dem would be willin', if we plum ax'. If we plum ASK. I'd real likes t'fix doodads and refuse t'stop on any account fo' dese unintelligent, vulgar sucka's who likes t'hurt oda' sucka's. Not plum me, but everyone. I'm willin' t'hold some press conference and ah' gots'ta do nuthin necessary t'do so. 'S coo', bro. In puttin' an end t''dese sucka's' tryin' t'put an end t'me and belittle me as well as try t'be da damn demise uh me afta' all I've gone drough and done at such some yung and tenda' age in some honky chicks life. Its enough already, I've had enough and ah' am goin' t'be da damn one t'make some change. Fo' all uh my dude acto's, homeys, sucka's ah' admire and fo' dose I've lost in de recent days, years, monds. ah' do recon' de focus in de wo'ld gots misplaced and directed in de wrong direcshuns and ah' am willin' t'be da damn one t'help change dat and use mah' celebrity status t'move da damn focalpoint /(s) uh de press t'de real issues dat we gots goin' on as we rap. Any sucka dat be willin' t'help and gots a family memba' o' homey, even co-wo'ka' dat be in some posishun t'be involved in any way, shape o' fo'm, please contact me, Jenni Muro, Leslie Sloane, Michael Heller, Jason Sloane, Jason Weinberg as soon as ya' kin o' is willin'. Just ax' dem, it duzn't hurt t'ax'. So's let's start now, rada' dan wuzte time. Do ya' agree? A'cuz I'm hangin' it eida' way. Slap mah fro! De way uh de future. Dank ya' fo' yo' time. Yo' Entertainer, Lindsay Lohan