The Official Friday Silliness Thread Salutes Shameless Promotion Month!

121 posted on 09/29/2006 11:26:57 AM PDT by Michael Goldsberry (Lt. Bruce C. Fryar USN 01-02-70 Laos)

To: BJClinton; pissant; martin_fierro; presidio9; Slings and Arrows; Millee; najida; ...

Big Cat would rather not fight...he enjoys peacefully observing forum conversations and laconically participates when the moods strikes. He playfully chases interesting threads, and from time to time uses a Newbie or Propellerhead as a convenient scratching post. He enjoys being stroked or petted, and tends to purr loudly. CAUTION: Don't be fooled by his fuzzy, playful exterior. When provoked, Big Cat reacts with lightning speed and almost always lands on his feet after an attack. Big Cat often indulges himself by toying with his victim before delivering his lethal blows.

122 posted on 09/29/2006 11:28:19 AM PDT by sully777 (You have flies in your eyes--Catch-22)

This has probably been posted before, but....

The Honorable Barbara Boxer
309 Hart Senate Office Building
Washington DC , 20510

Dear Senator Boxer,

As a native Californian and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Immigration and Naturalization Service in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.

My reasons for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to illegal alien stem from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill's provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, what I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years.

I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out. Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of the last five years taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent
return for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005 and I estimated a gross savings approximating $72,000. After the fine this would yield me a net savings of $70,000.

In addition, I would reap the other benefits of being a n illegal alien such as free health care, avoidance of paying Social Security taxes, buying automobile insurance, serving on jury panels, etc.

If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative. Since you are so supportive of Illegals, I know you will help me in this quest. So many vote for you now, adding even more through this means will help you and the Democrats in
the forthcoming elections. "From each according to their abilities. To each according to their needs." Ah, ain't Fabian Socialism/Communism great? VIVA Socialism!!

Thank you for your assistance.

Your Loyal Constituent,

Harvey Welkins

123 posted on 09/29/2006 11:29:20 AM PDT by LakerCJL

Link isn't for trunkmonkey.

124 posted on 09/29/2006 11:29:30 AM PDT by Toby06 (Hydrogen is not a fuel source. Hydrogen is an energy storage method, like a battery.)

Guilty as charged!

Apparently there is no joke too lame, too lurid or too inappropriate for Yuk Yuk, and he's absolutely determined to share with you every gobbet of stale drollery, every tired urban legend and every goofy web site on the internet. Yuk Yuk seldom contributes to any discussion, preferring instead to forward witticisms and bon mots culled from his voluminous archive. Of course, should other Warriors object to his off topic inanities they are accused of lacking a sense of humor.

125 posted on 09/29/2006 11:30:30 AM PDT by sully777 (You have flies in your eyes--Catch-22)

To: Michael Goldsberry

DADDY, LOOK AT ALL THE KITTENS!

126 posted on 09/29/2006 11:40:42 AM PDT by girlscout

127 posted on 09/29/2006 11:58:09 AM PDT by Gordongekko909 (Mark 5:9)

To: fredhead; RockinRight; qam1; BJClinton; Auntbee; Millee; Maximus of Texas; Slings and Arrows

128 posted on 09/29/2006 12:01:18 PM PDT by sully777 (You have flies in your eyes--Catch-22)

129 posted on 09/29/2006 12:01:53 PM PDT by Gordongekko909 (Mark 5:9)

Around here in Oklahoma, the kids are playing with crawdads.

130 posted on 09/29/2006 12:02:54 PM PDT by sully777 (You have flies in your eyes--Catch-22)

To: BJClinton; All

Gotta go. See the die hards later.

131 posted on 09/29/2006 12:08:48 PM PDT by sully777 (You have flies in your eyes--Catch-22)

132 posted on 09/29/2006 12:11:56 PM PDT by RockinRight (She rocks my world, and I rock her world.)

Toupees for babies are pretty silly.

http://www.babytoupee.com/index.htm

133 posted on 09/29/2006 12:14:50 PM PDT by BookmanTheJanitor

134 posted on 09/29/2006 12:20:41 PM PDT by Lucky9teen (I love the smell of strategery in the morning...)

To: BookmanTheJanitor

135 posted on 09/29/2006 12:23:22 PM PDT by JJR RNCH (Your mother doesn't work here!! Clean up after YOURSELF.)

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
______________________________

OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
_____________________________

SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.
_____________________________

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
_____________________________

HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
______________________________

LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
______________________________

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
_____________________________

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

136 posted on 09/29/2006 12:41:26 PM PDT by LakerCJL

137 posted on 09/29/2006 12:52:39 PM PDT by macmedic892 (I am serious. And don't call me Shirley.)

Or this classic.

A blonde was driving her sports car 75 in a 55.

She saw the flashing blue lights in the mirror and knew what to do, this had happened before, often.

She pulled over and stopped. Zipped down her sweater, but not too much.

She looked up and there was the police officer. A female police officer.

Driver license and registration please.

The blonde grabs her purse and starts rummaging through it. "OH MY GOD, it's in here somewhere. What does it look like."

The Officer says, "Its a the same size as a credit card with you picture on it."

The blonde finds a small mirror, sees herself, smiles and shows it to the Officer.

"Well why didn't you tell me you were a police officer," says the blonde female police officer.

138 posted on 09/29/2006 12:58:13 PM PDT by fireforeffect (A kind word and a 2x4, gets you more than just a kind word.)

OFST ping if you know someone white and nerdy!

139 posted on 09/29/2006 1:06:24 PM PDT by secret garden (How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.)

140 posted on 09/29/2006 1:08:05 PM PDT by TASMANIANRED (The Internet is the samizdat of liberty..)

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