[Liberty Valance]

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well, for example, the other day I went downtown and went into a shop. I was only in there for about 5 minutes and when I came out there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.

I went up to him and said, "Come on, man, how about giving a retired person a break"? He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him a "Nazi." He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires. So I called him another bad name." He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. Personally, I didn't care. I came downtown on the bus and the car that he was putting the tickets on had a bumper sticker that said "Hillary in '08."

I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired. It's important to my health.

[ArGee]

Fun things to do in an elevator.

• Crack open your briefcase or purse, peer inside and ask, "Got enough air in there?"
• Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
• Stand silently and motionless in the corner facing the wall. Don't get off at any floor.
• Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
• Do Tai Chi exercises.
• Stare and grin at another passenger for a while. Finally announce, "I've got new socks on!"
• Meow occassionally.
• Sing "Mary had a Little Lamb" while continually pushing buttons.
• Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of them!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
• Start a sing-along.
• When the elevator is silent, look around and ask, "Is that your beeper?"
• Lean against the button panel.
• Say "I wonder what all these do", and push all the buttons. Don't forget to push the "Emergency Stop" button.
• Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."
• Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
• Just before the elevator doors open at your floor, move to the center front of the car and drop to your knees. As they open, fall to the floor, crawl out slowly and mumble loudly, "No more Polish women! No more Polish women!"

Shalom.