... Your accountants letter of resignation is postmarked Zurich.
... You have to hitch hike to the bank to make your car payment.
... The little league puts you on waivers.
... Your suggestion box starts ticking.
... Your secretary tells you the FBI is on line 1, the DA is on line 2, and CBS is on line 3.
... You see your stockbroker hitchhiking out of town.
... You see the captain running toward the railing wearing a life jacket.
... They pay your wages out of petty cash.
... The moths in your money belt starve to death.
... You make more than you ever made, owe more than you ever owed, and have less than you've ever had.
... You tell the barber what you think about his prices before you get your haircut.
... Getting there is half the fun and three-fourths of the vacation budget.
... The simple instructions enclosed aren't.
... People send your wife sympathy cards on your anniversary.
... Your wife starts charging you rent.
... A black cat crosses you path and drops dead.
... You take an assertiveness training course and you're afraid to tell your wife.
... The plumber floats by on your kitchen table.
... Your pacemaker has only a thirty day guarantee.
... There are two elephants, two giraffes, and two zebras in your yard and your next door neighbor is building an ark.
... The candles on your cake set off your smoke alarm.
... The pest exterminator crawls under your house and never comes out.
... A copy of your birth certificate comes in the mail marked null and void.
Shalom.
I went to buy some camouflage pants the other day but I couldn't find any.