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You might be a redneck Muslim...

If you say "Assalam Alaiykum ya'll."
If you tip you hat when you say "Assalam Alaiykum ya'll."
If you put your boots back on after salat.
If your thobe or kufi is a camouflage color.
If you hunt between magrib and Isha.
If you fish, swim, bath, and perform wudu in the same body of water.
If you prefer to pray outside your trailer.
If you think the greatest jihad is praying magrib during WWF Wrestling.
If you think the greatest jihad consists of spraypainting "Allah Akbar" on a water tower.
If you ever wonder why the Jerry Springer Show hasn't called you yet.
If you eat possum or squirrel at your family's Eid Al-Fitr dinner.
If you can't make up your mind between listening to George Strait or Sheik Hamza Yusuf.
If you've considered asking your Imam to issue a fatwah legalizing pork.
If you think God will look a lot like a famous country singer.
If you think Clint Eastwood should play Muhammad(pbuh) in the next movie, "The Messenger."
If you think the next movie about the life of the Prophet(pbuh) should be a Western.
If you've ever said "takbeer" during a rodeo, tractor pull, or wrestling match.
If you distribute Qur'ans at your fireworks stand or yard sale.
If you have the Cliff Notes version of the Qur'an.
If your belt buckle says "Allah Akbar."
If you've ever worn that belt over your thobe.
If you can't wait until KFC chicken becomes zabia.
If your regular dua includes your cow, your crops, and your drunk relatives.
If your mosque is surrounded by pick-up trucks during Jummah.
If your mosque is the back room of Benny's All U Can Eat BBQ.
If the FBI surrounded your trailer park and took Abu Bakr Smith in for questioning.
If your mobile home tilts forward when you perform your daily prayers.
If your town gets a new mosque, and you have to help take the wheels off it.
If a refrigerator or washing machine sits in front of your mosque.
If the reading material on your coffee table includes "Hunting and Fishing" and the Qur'an.
If your reversion story includes the KKK, a minister, a bar incident, or a hunting accident.
If your wife's hair can't stay put in a hijab.
If your closest friend is Joe Bob "Abdul Rahman" Edwards.
If you catch yourself saying "Oh, no, brother that's haram" everytime he's near Jack Daniels.
If your name is Bubba, and you've changed it to Bubba Ali.
If a prayer hangs outside and inside your outhouse door.
If you think Mecca is someplace in Mississippi.
If you're banned from the county picnic for distributing Qur'ans illegally.
If you wonder whether naming a dog "Abdul Majid" is sacriligious.
If you're waiting for Wal-Mart to sell kufis and thobes.
If you've ever asked your Imam if monster truck rallies are halal.
If you've ever worn a cowboy hat over your kufi.
If you'd buy a kufi that has race car stripes along the sides.
If you swear that Jefferson Davis was really a misunderstood Muslim.
If you've ever gotten into a fist fight in a laundromat over something Islam-related.
If your Imam gives a lecture against pouching, and you know he's referring to you.
If you explain Tawheed by insisting that you can really only have one Dad.
If you explain original sin by insisting that you don't deserve to go to jail for your Uncle Roy's stupidity.
If you've ever made a do-it-yourself prayer rug with duct tape.
If you say "Bismillah" before chopping wood, plowing a field, or milking a cow.
If you've ever driven a tractor to a mosque.
If you've ever said, "Hurry ya'll Iqama!"

It's Harvest Sunday at a small village church in rural England, and the vicar is organising his annual harvest service, where people bring their home-grown plants and vegetables to the service.
But this year is different. The local village cricket team has just won their league, and the village is in celebratory mood, so the vicar decides to do something special - he will combine the normal harvest service with a cricket theme.
The day of the service arrives, and the church is filled with flowers. People are bringing in their offerings of vegetables, and in the middle of the display is a cricket wicket; a strip of turf with a set of wooden stumps at each end, and people are laying their offerings on the wicket.
Everything is going fine, until one lady comes up to the front of the church, and places a bag of frozen peas among the other vegetables, but she is stopped by the vicar, so she returns to her seat, still clutching her peas.
"What happened?" asked the lady she's sitting next to.
She shrugs her shoulders, and says:
"There's no peas for the wicket."