An enterprising journalist decided to get the scoop of the day by photographing the fearsome phantom that lived in the spooky old mansion house at the edge of town.
When he entered the house, armed with only his camera, the ghost decended upon him, moaning and wailing and clanking chains.
"I mean no harm; I just want your photograph," the journalist said bravely.
Pleased at this chance to make headlines, the ghost posed for a number of shots, and the happy journalist rushed back to his darkroom and began developing the photos.
Unfortunately, they turned out to be so underexposed that nothing could be seen in them.
He was distraught, and went to a local pub to drown his sorrows. Meeting his friends there, they asked what was wrong. Not wanting to tell the whole story, he simply explained with a single sentence: ......
"The spirit was willing, but the flash was weak."
There was a Scottish tradesman, a painter called Jock, who was very interested in making a pound where he could, so he would thin down his paint to make it go further. As it happened, he got away with this for years. The Church of Scotland decided to do a big restoration job on one of their grandest churches, Jock put in a bid and because his price was so low, he was awarded the project. He set to work erecting scaffolding, buying paint, and thinning it down with copious amounts of thinner.
Jock was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly complete, when there was a flash of lightning accompanied by a deafening clap of thunder. The sky opened and the rain poured down, washing the thinned paint from all over the church and knocking Jock off the scaffold to land in the grass below. Around him were puddles of thinned paint.
Jock knew this was judgment from the Almighty, so he fell to his knees and cried: "Lord forgive me! What must I do to make amends?"
And from Heaven above, a mighty voice spoke: "Repaint! And thin no more!"
Are you making these up? Have you thought about seeking help?