Official Silliness Thread Salutes The World of Odd Humor

Jerry: Oh God, you're that girl in the coffee shop that was eavesdropping on us. I knew you looked familiar! There's been a big misunderstanding here! We did that whole thing for your benefit. We knew you were eavesdropping. That's why my friend said all that. It was on purpose! We're not gay! Not that there's anything wrong with that...

George: No, of course not...

Jerry: I mean that's fine if that's who you are...

George: Absolutely...

Jerry: I mean I have many gay friends...

George: My father is gay...

Sharon: Look, I know what I heard.

Jerry: It was a joke...

George: Look, you wanna have sex right now? Do want to have sex with me right now? Let's go! C'mon, let's go baby! C'mon!

[Kramer enters apartment]

Kramer: Hey, C'mon! Let's go! I thought we were going to take a steam!

George: NO!!!

Jerry: No steam!

Kramer: Well I don't want to sit there naked all by myself!

1) Theoretically it will take a limb with the dimension no smaller than 3 inches depending on the placement of the possum along the distance of the limb.

2) The answer is impossible to calculate as the given does not provide which temperate zone the cars are placed in that rednecks exist in all parts of the United States and one in the desert will rust slower than one in Texas, Alabama, Mississippi, Louisianna, Georgia, well you get the picture.

3) Contrary to conventional wives-tale, car radiators arent used in the back-40 distillery: they leak and dont nearly hold enough to be usefull.

4) First of all, this is a trick question, in that it should be "how many Tall boys will be consumed by the cutter during this exercise in bad judgment...aka the redneck death cry "Hey Ya'll wach 'is!". The answer to the initial qwexion depends on how much diesel is in the D9 (a single yank on the starter cord would be sufficient in and of itself to cut them all down, since they could easily enough be pushed them over in relative comfort, heaped into a pile and burned without any effort yanking on anything or breakin' out in a sweat needing sweet-iced tea for relief).

5) Given that the average porch of that size acts as a home for between 3-6 hounds I will say 3.275 hounds will die and one will be injured seriously and be lame for the rest of his natural life.

6) NO; two children will marry each other and one of them will be the smarter of any and will move far away and become the city uncle.

7) Well thats just gonna be a hell of a mess and 3 out of the 7 vehicles that were on the road will have damaged windshields and one will have a muffler.

8) Based on the dollars per pack of cigarettes the numbers of unfiltered Camels will be 360.

9) This is another red-herring qwexion: the gene pool does NOT reduce at any rate whatsoever. Regardless of how much the population is decreasing, the available gene pool will remain 100% (that each and every member of the population will be inbred after z amount of time is immaterial). Given rate x of population decrease, then the probability of producing a country AND western singer will be Y.

You Yankee engineers believe yourselves SO smart do ya? Well then, double or nothing (trips to win), answer the following:

Q) If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the decrease in the ozone layer?
A) 0.00000237 %

Q) Next time you're too drunk to drive pick the best answer:

a1) drive anyways, since you always drive better with a 12 or two under your belt
a2) put the cost of the phone call onto your pool tab to call your wife (cousin) to come pick you up
a3) have your designated driver buddy, Earl, who's had 1 or 2 twelves under his belt drive you home
a4) play "craps" with the odds that your wife won't find out and call your mistress (niece, and wife's sister) to come pick you up on account of ugly divorce proceedings.
a5) say to hell with the whole shooting-match, walk to the local pizza "parlour", order a pizza, and drive home with the pizza-delivery guy (thereby avoiding a major marital dispute where you would end up sleep in the fridge, on the porch, next to a pack of lame dogs, cars on blocks and a D9 out of diesel).

Even though this thread has been dead for a couple of days, I saw this this morning on rmr and just could not resist pposting it. Reposted from rcm.

A "heads up" for you and any of you guys who may be regular Home Depot customers. Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you! Here's how the scam works: Two seriously good-looking 18 or 19-year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the trunk. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts; it is impossible not to look. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say"No" and instead ask you for a ride to another Home Depot; you agree and they get in the back seat. On the way, they start having sex with each other. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and performs oral sex on you, while the other one steals your wallet. I had my wallet stolen on June 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, three times just Yesterday, and very likely again this upcoming weekend.

Again - please beware!!

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