You might be a redneck if...
You think the stock market has a fence around it.
You think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.
Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
Your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs.
Your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool.
You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
You've ever used a toilet seat as a picture frame.
Your home has more miles on it than your car.
You might be a redneck if...
going to the bathroom in the middle of the night involves shoes and a flashlight.
your mother ever said "Y'all come in here and look at this before I flush it."
you've ever been too drunk to fish.
you've ever financed a tattoo.
you go to a family reunion to meet women.
you have a home that is mobile and six cars that aren't.