[Millee]

You come home sober and your dog bites you.

The cafeteria in the detox center has a sandwich named after you.

You can’t recognize your best friend unless he’s leaning against a bar. With a drink in his hand. Drunk.

You like a splash of coffee in your morning whiskey.

You can blow a .08 BAC from twenty feet away.

You’re kept awake at night by the sound of your liver crying.

You prefer cold showers because the ice in your drink doesn’t melt as fast.

You’re shocked and confounded to discover they actually sell Coke without Jack Daniels.

When a cop asks you to walk a straight line, you ask, “Which one?”

You tried getting out of a DUI by putting a beer label on your arm and telling the cop you’re off the booze and on the patch.

You woke up on New Years Eve with the resolution of finding out which bars open earliest.

You’re definition of a problem drinker is guy who won’t buy you a round.

You know hangovers only last a day, but a good drinking story lives on forever.

A good drinking buddy will bail you out of jail, but a great drinking buddy will be sitting in the cell beside you, saying, “Man, that was awesome!”

You regularly ask bartenders, “So, how are the spill mats looking tonight? Anything good in there?” - LOL!

[The_Victor]

A normal drinker, a problem drinker, and an alcoholic walk into a bar and each order a beer. After settling onto a barstool, each one finds that a fly has landed in his drink. The normal drinker pushes his beer away and leaves. The problem drinker picks the fly out of his beer, cautiously looks around, tosses the fly away and goes back to drinking. The alcoholic picks the fly out of his beer, and carefully, holding the insect by the wings, suspends it over his beer, hits it on the back and screams, “Give it back you sombitch!”