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How To Torpedo A First Date
cbs ^ | 2-4-06

Posted on 02/04/2006 7:39:56 AM PST by LouAvul

SNIP

Among the possible deal-breakers they discuss are:

too much perfume/cologne

talking about a past relationship

a guy ordering an apple martini

woman who does the old "I'll have a salad" routine

body odor and/or bad breath

checking out the waiter/bartender

setting up the date via text message/e-mail

too much make-up/plastic hair

So what exactly are the very worst deal-breakers? Depends on whom you ask. Speaking for women, Nicole's top picks are :

guy that is down on his luck--pathetic!

guy that acts rude or cocky

guy that talks on his cell phone

And the top three for men, according to Ian:

woman who acts like she's interviewing a guy

woman trying to make over a guy

woman with restrictive eating habits (Do I look fat?)

(Excerpt) Read more at cbsnews.com ...


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To: conservativebabe

TMI

That is real BAD.


61 posted on 02/04/2006 11:05:57 AM PST by television is just wrong (Our sympathies are misguided with illegal aliens...)
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To: Drew68
From my experience senior citizens are the worst tippers.

I've had them were they would order soup and sandwhich and leave a quarter. When we see old people walk in we all hoped they wouldn't sit in their section.

62 posted on 02/04/2006 11:06:36 AM PST by MotleyGirl70 ("It's turkey jerky. Want some? Come on take a pull. No? Okay, more for me.")
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To: PaulaB

I love your love stories.. your husband must be a terrific (and wise) man!

HUGS!!


63 posted on 02/04/2006 11:06:57 AM PST by Dashing Dasher (Crab Feed 2006 is underway!)
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To: All

Okay gang...

Back to the crab feed..

We juiced about ten bushels of lemons yesterday, zested a bucket of them, chopped up 10 boxes of garlic, chopped enough parsley to fill a 5 gallon drum and finished off three cases of beer.

The boys are picking up 250 pounds of crab this morning - I told them I'd be back at noon - with four more cases of beer.

Off we go....

Crab Feed 2006 is UNDERWAY!!!


Oh... and we got a brand new helicopter on the field - can't wait to get my first ride... SWEEEEET!

Ciao!


64 posted on 02/04/2006 11:12:58 AM PST by Dashing Dasher (Crab Feed 2006 is underway!)
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To: feinswinesuksass

"He wanted to cook for me at his new home. It turned out, all he wanted to do was show me how rich he was & then attempt to grope me."

That happened to you too? Must be the same guy. I told him I wasn't that type of man!


65 posted on 02/04/2006 11:14:27 AM PST by Herakles (Liberals are stone stupid and proud of it!)
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To: AmishDude
But I'll bet when she mentioned "sister" you thought you'd hit the jackpot.

LOL.No,actually not,because she did`nt get the word out of her mouth before saying that she was a stuck up snob.

Even without that,I had those first date,nervous jitters and this was a complication.
I had did`nt think about it until now and this was years ago but that never crossed my mind.

I don`t know whether I feel proud or stupid.

66 posted on 02/04/2006 11:19:15 AM PST by carlr
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To: carlr

Once you realized the date was over, that was the time to have the real fun. "So, do you girls share everything?" *wink* "Is your sister any good in bed? Because I want to know if I'm wasting my time here." "Where did you say you flew in from? Oh, that town has some great hookers." "I hope you don't think I'm paying for these drinks. And I hope you know the ride from the airport wasn't free either." "I didn't realize you'd be so hot, but when I saw you at the baggage claim, wow! What's say we dump your sister and have a little fun ourselves?" "Sooooo, who else here is a satan worshipper?"


67 posted on 02/04/2006 11:29:34 AM PST by AmishDude
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To: Herakles; feinswinesuksass
That happened to you too? Must be the same guy. I told him I wasn't that type of man!

Me neither!

How rich did you say?

68 posted on 02/04/2006 11:30:50 AM PST by AmishDude
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To: feinswinesuksass
Looked at your home page. Impressive.

BTW, you're kinda cute, too. But the next time you go shooting, wear plugs and muffs. This eternal (infernal) ringing in my ears is testimony to shooting with a) muffs or b) plugs but c) not both. :)

69 posted on 02/04/2006 11:39:37 AM PST by LouAvul
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To: LouAvul; All
Did you ever let yourself get talked into going on a date only to discover within the first two minutes you'd rather be any place on this Earth than on the date?

Well, Help is at hand......

Just follow any of these tips:

  • At dinner, guard your plate with fork and steak knife, so as to give the impression that you'll stab anyone, including the waiter, who reaches for it.

  • Collect the salt shakers from all of the tables in the restaurant, and balance them in a tower on your table.

  • Wipe your nose on your date's sleeve. Twice.

  • Make funny faces at other patrons, then sneer at their reactions.

  • Repeat every third third third word you say say say.

  • Read a newspaper or book during the meal. Ignore your date.

  • Stare at your date's neck, and grind your teeth audibly.

  • Twitch spastically. If asked about it, pretend you don't know what they are talking about.

  • Stand up every five minutes, circle your table with your arms outstretched, and make airplane sounds.

  • Order a bucket of lard.

  • Ask for crayons to color the placemat. This works very well in fancier venues that use linen tablecloths.

  • Recite your dating history. Improvise. Include pets.

  • Pull out a harmonica and play blues songs.

  • Sacrifice french fries to the great deity, Pomme.

  • When ordering, inquire whether the restaurant has any live food.

  • Without asking, eat off your date's plate. Eat more from their plate than they do. Drool.

  • Recite graphic limericks to the people at the table next to you.

  • Ask the people at the neighboring table for food from their plates and Ask your date how much money they have with them.

  • Communicate in mime the entire evening.

  • Upon entering the restaurant, ask for a seat away from the windows, where you have a you have a good view of all exits, and where you can keep your back to the wall. Act nervous.

  • Lick your plate. Offer to lick theirs.

  • Hum. Loudly. In monotone.

  • Hold a debate. Take both sides.

  • Slide under the table. Take your plate with you.

  • Order a baked potato for a side dish. When the waiter brings your food, hide the potato, wait a few minutes, and ask the waiter for the potato you "never got". When the waiter returns with another potato for you, have the first one back up on the plate. Repeat later in the meal.

  • Speak in pig latin throughout the meal

  • Take a break, and go into the restroom. When you return to the table, throw a spare pair of underwear on the back of one of the chairs. Insist that they just need airing out.

  • If they are paying, order the most expensive thing on the menu. Take one bite.

  • Bring 20 or so candles you, and during the meal get up and arrange them around the table in a circle. Chant.

  • Save the bones from your meal, and explain that you're taking them home to your invalid, senile old mother, because it's a lot cheaper than actually feeding her.

  • Take a thermos along, and hide it under the table. Order coffee, and fill the thermos one cup at a time, taking advantage of the free refills.

  • Insist that the waiter cuts your food into little pieces. In a simliar vein, insist that he take a bite of everything on the plate, to make sure no one poisoned it.

  • Accuse your date of espionage.

  • Make odd allusions to dangerous religious cults.

  • Don't use any verbs during the entire meal.

  • Pass the hat in the restaurant. Use the proceeds (if any) to pay the bill.

  • Feed imaginary friends, or toy dolls you've brought along.

  • Bring a bucket along. Explain that you frequently get ill.

70 posted on 02/04/2006 12:51:58 PM PST by Fiddlstix (Tagline Repair Service. Let us fix those broken Taglines. Inquire within(Presented by TagLines R US))
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To: PaulaB

Awwww! Sweet.

My best date was this guy who was kind of shy. Had a hard time even asking me out, but somehow mustered up the courage. We met where we worked together and then went to a local brewery. He had just the right mix of being humble, funny, and a bit vulnerable. We talked as if we had known each other for a long time. Very comfortable. I mentioned that I loved purple tulips sometime in the night, just sort of in passing. The next day he had purple tulips delivered to my house with a note saying he had a great time and wanted to go out again.

So, I married him. That was 10 years ago this past Aug.


71 posted on 02/04/2006 1:44:39 PM PST by conservativebabe ("I came here to chew bubble gum and kick @ss, and I'm all out of bubble gum")
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To: Lazamataz
I think the problem is, you need to stop using whipped cream and sprinkles as makeup. And lose the cherry on the tip of your nose.

LOL! I should have known that would be a problem. I should have used fish bait instead.

72 posted on 02/04/2006 1:48:22 PM PST by conservativebabe ("I came here to chew bubble gum and kick @ss, and I'm all out of bubble gum")
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To: conservativebabe

How romantic is that?

I love to hear stories like these

:)


73 posted on 02/04/2006 1:53:31 PM PST by PaulaB (God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts)
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To: sure_fine
nothing breaks a date like wet farts

I beg to differ. I knew a fellow that tried to slip some gas out while driving his date home, and...

...he discovered that his backside was incapable of differentiating the three states of matter.

Now that right there, that's a deal-breaker.

74 posted on 02/04/2006 1:57:45 PM PST by Oberon (As a matter of fact I DO want fries with that.)
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To: PaulaB

I have to remember that during times like when he is snoring in the wee hours of the night. :)


75 posted on 02/04/2006 2:03:46 PM PST by conservativebabe ("I came here to chew bubble gum and kick @ss, and I'm all out of bubble gum")
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To: conservativebabe

LOL

Amen


76 posted on 02/04/2006 2:29:49 PM PST by PaulaB (God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts)
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To: Lazamataz

ROFLOL! I should go get one of those. It will be the closest I have been to a date in a long time!


77 posted on 02/04/2006 5:58:02 PM PST by Goodgirlinred ( GoodGirlInRed Four More Years!!!!!)
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To: Dashing Dasher

Ugh! I went out with this OLDER man whom I met on Match.com. Thought he would be nice as we had talked a lot on the phone. He was a groper from the moment he got in the house, through dinner, on the way home from dinner, and until I could get him out of the house. Like an idiot I had put Harm outside because he was afraid of him. I did not know Harm had pinned him against the wall in the foyer when he came in while I was putting the roses in water. Had I known that, I would never have gone out with him. :( Live and learn.


78 posted on 02/04/2006 6:07:07 PM PST by Goodgirlinred ( GoodGirlInRed Four More Years!!!!!)
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To: Dashing Dasher

Bummer.


79 posted on 02/04/2006 6:07:53 PM PST by Goodgirlinred ( GoodGirlInRed Four More Years!!!!!)
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To: Goodgirlinred

How to torpedo a first date? Tell her you're a conservative. Meh.


80 posted on 02/04/2006 6:18:11 PM PST by BobbyPeru1369 (Who got you, the bloggers?)
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