When the dog refuses to stop sniffing at a distant fire hydrant, yes...it is time to take off the leash and let said cur go.
I mentioned both counselling and a full medical workup earlier for several reasons: First, infidelity seldom "just happens." I am in no way condoning it, but it is true. What Mr hs should have done was to communicate with hs that he felt something lacking in the relationship before wandering off to find it in a greener pasture. Lots of couples have problems communicating, for any number of reasons. Hence counselling.
Next, a full medical workup is imperative here, for the well-being of both parties. Mr hs sounds like someone not behaving in his right mind. It is always possible that there is a medical reason for this. Sad, but true: A guy my husband worked with began acting funny, both at work and at home. When he began having vision problems on top of this, he saw a doctor. He died as a result of an inoperable brain tumor three months later, at the age of 29. Even if Mr hs is perfectly fit, hs needs to protect herself and her children. Mr hs is having an affair with a woman of such low morals that she is willingly breaking up a family. There is no chance at all--none--that she was a virgin at the start of this affair. You can follow my train of thought here without my having to spell it out for you.
Nowhere have I stated that this marriage cannot be saved, but hs alone cannot do the saving. The bulk of the effort is going to have to come from Mr hs here. He has broken a promise to God, to his wife, to his family. If, by chance, he sees the error of his ways and is truly repentant, there is hope. There is no sin that cannot be forgiven. Essentially, though, the ball is right now in his court. And I still insist that hs must see a lawyer, even if it means selling something off or borrowing from a friend or family member. Right now, she and her children are in an extremely vulnerable position, and they need protection.
BTW, hs--have you looked into legal aid lawyers in your area? If you can't find one, oddly enough, ask the Salvation Army how to get in touch with one.
It is modern day, Liberated women who think men really do this sort of soul searching.
Maintaining a marriage means treating a man like a MAN! And I dont mean sitting at his feet or baking cookies!
Victorian women, as oppressed as we "think" they were, knew the score. Give a man what he needs in HIS terms..and a woman RULES the relationship.
Men are NOT women, men do not act think or feel like women.