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Ah, this is a nut magazine.

Here's something under the "Science" section:

ALIENS MOON NASA SPACECRAFT!
'There's no butts about it,' says official

By BERNIE PYLE

THE LATEST photos from Saturn show the ringed planet has many more moons than scientists first thought -- thanks to mischievous space aliens who "dropped trou" when they noticed the Cassini-Huygens spacecraft taking pictures of their planet.

"We expected to see many surprising sights," says a top NASA scientist connected with the Cassini project. "But aliens sticking their bare butts out at us was definitely the most surprising of all.

"They were definitely mooning us -- no BUTTS about it," says a NASA official.

"It's been said that love is the universal language, but it looks like mooning is," says another NASA head.

The Cassini-Huygens spacecraft took a decade to reach Saturn and is now in a four-year orbit around the ringed planet.

Some scientists took the alien display as a sign that the Saturnites are similar to us. "We'd probably do the same thing if another race from outer space tried to snap our pictures," says the NASA scientist.

But some leaders disagree over what the mooning means.

"Their culture could be completely different. Maybe it's just their way of saying 'hi,' " says a leading anthropologist.

Another prominent sociologist suggests, "Perhaps they're telling us they'd like to be probed. After all, that's what space aliens do when they abduct us."

A noted sexologist agrees. "It looks like the Saturnites are a bunch of sodomites," he says.

Still others see it as an international declaration of hostility. At least one conservative Republican in the House has called for the U.S. to bomb Saturn.

"We can't allow Earth to be insulted by every two-bit planet we encounter," says the elected official.

But another House member pointed out that it would take over ten years for missiles from Earth to arrive on Saturn.

"Then next time we should put missiles on the spaceship, just in case something like this happens," says the congressman.

Some politicians attempted to make the alien display a partisan issue.

"This is further proof that the Bush Administration policies have caused us to lose respect in the international community," says a top Democrat official.

Other shots of the aliens show them giving the camera "the finger," and the "up yours" sign. But they are also seen laughing and clowning around.

At least one NASA official thinks the hubbub over the butts is costing us valuable scientific Letter of the Week information.

"Our guys took so many pictures of their alien backsides that they almost forgot to shoot photos of Saturn's rings," says the disgruntled official.

The scientists are also concerned people will forget that the mission is gathering important information about the formation of the solar system.

"We're learning a tremendous amount," the NASA official says. "But all anyone is paying attention to is some space butt."

In the meantime, at least one Web site has posted the pictures, selling "Saturn Porn."

While scientists are puzzled by the photos, they agree on one thing, says the NASA official. "These butts require closer investigation."

Published on: 10/04/2005