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A Wee Bit Of Irish Blarney

Mrs. Pete Monaghan came into the newsroom
to pay for her husband's obituary. She was told
by the kindly newsman that it was a dollar a word
and he remembered Pete and wasn't it too bad
about him passing away. She thanked him for
his kind words and bemoaned the fact that she
only had two dollars. But she wrote out the
obituary, "Pete died."
The newsman said he thought old Pete
deserved more and he'd give her three
more words at no charge. Mrs. Pete Monaghan
thanked him and rewrote the obituary:
"Pete died. Boat for sale."

An Irishman's Life Philosophy

"In life, there are only two things to worry about,
either you are well, or you are sick.
If you are well, there is nothing to worry about,
but if you are sick, you have two things to worry about;
either you will live, or you will die.
If you live, there is nothing to worry about,
if you die, you have two things to worry about;
either you will go to heaven or to hell.
If you go to heaven, there is nothing to worry about,
but if you go to hell,
you'll be so busy shaking hands with your friends,
you won't have time to worry!"

A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice
to the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear you Irish
are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give $500 American
dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints
of Guinness back-to-back." The room is quiet and no
one takes up the Texan's offer.

One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later the same gentleman
who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder.
"Is your bet still good?", asks the Irishman.

The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10
pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all
10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back-to-back.

The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement.

The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says,
"If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that
30 minutes you were gone?".

The Irishman replies, "Oh...I had to go to the pub down the
street to see if I could do it first".

A jolly old fellow named Hugh
Was arrested for saying, "Look, snoo!"
"What's snoo?" they would cry,
And he'd always reply:
"Oh, nothing much, what's snoo with you?"

Here's to me, and here's to you,
And here's to love and laughter-
I'll be true as long as you,
And not one moment after.

And may you be filled with
plenty of blarney to keep you
smiling always!