Posted on 02/28/2005 8:24:39 AM PST by pissant
MISTAKE #1: Being Too Much Of A "Nice Guy"
Have you ever noticed that the really attractive women never seem to be attracted to "nice" guys?
Of course you have.
Just like me, I'm sure you've had attractive female friends that always seemed to date "jerks"... but for some reason they were never romantically interested in YOU.
What's going on here?
It's actually very simple...
Women don't base their choices of men on how "nice" a guy is. They choose the men they do because they feel a powerful GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION for them.
And guess what?
Being nice doesn't make a woman FEEL that powerful ATTRACTION.
And being NICE doesn't make a woman CHOOSE you.
I realize that this doesn't make a lot of logical sense, and it's hard to ACCEPT... but GET OVER IT.
Until you accept this FACT and begin to act on it, you'll NEVER have the success with women that you want.
MISTAKE #2: Trying To "Convince Her To Like You"
What do most guys do when they meet a woman that they REALLY like... but she's just not interested?
Right! They try to "convince" the woman to feel differently.
Well, I have news for you... YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE HOW A WOMAN "FEELS" WHEN IT COMES TO ATTRACTION!
Never, ever, EVER.
You cannot CONVINCE a woman to feel differently about you with "logic and reasoning".
Think about it.
If a woman doesn't "feel it" for you, how in the world do you expect to change that FEELING by being "reasonable" with her?
But we all do it.
When a woman just isn't interested, we beg, plead, chase, and do our best to change her mind.
Bad idea. One that will never work.
MISTAKE #3: Looking To Her For Approval Or Permission
In our desire to please women (which we mistakenly think will make them like us), us guys are always doing things to get a woman's "approval" or "permission".
Another HORRIBLE idea.
Women are NEVER attracted to the types of men who kiss up to them... EVER.
Don't get me wrong here.
You don't have to treat women BADLY for them to like you.
But if you think that treating a woman well means "always getting her approval and permission for things", think again.
You will never succeed by looking for approval. Women actually get ANNOYED at men who seek their approval.
Doubt me? Just ask any attractive woman if Wussy guys who chase her around and want her approval annoy her...
MISTAKE #4: Trying To "Buy" Her Affection With Food And Gifts
How many times have you taken a woman out to a nice dinner, bought her gifts and flowers, and had her REJECT you for someone who didn't treat her even HALF as well as you did?
If you're like me, then you've had it happen a LOT.
Well guess what?
It's only NATURAL when this happens...
That's right, I said NATURAL.
When you do these things, you send a clear message:
"I don't think you'll like me for who I am, so I'm going to try to buy your attention and affection".
Your good intentions usually come across to women as over-compensation for insecurity, and weak attempts at manipulation. That's right, I said that women see this as MANIPULATION.
MISTAKE #5: Sharing "How You Feel" Too Early In The Relationship With Her
Another huge and unfortunate mistake that most men make with women is sharing how they "feel" too early on.
Attractive women are rare.
And they get a LOT of attention from men.
Most men don't realize this, but attractive women are being approached in one way or another ALL THE TIME
An attractive woman is often approached several times a DAY by men who are interested. This translate into dozens of times per week, and often HUNDREDS of times per month.
And guess what?
Attractive women have usually dated a LOT of men.
That's right. They have EXPERIENCE.
They know what to expect.
And one thing that turns an attractive women off and sends her running away faster than just about anything is a guy who starts saying "You know, I really, REALLY like you" after one or two dates.
This signals to the woman that you're just like all the other guys who fall for her too fast... and can't control themselves.
Don't do it. Lean back. Relax.
There's a much better way...
MISTAKE #6: Not "Getting" How Attraction Works For Women
Women are VERY different from men when it comes to ATTRACTION.
You need to accept this fact, and deal with it.
When a man sees a beautiful, young, sexy woman, he INSTANTLY feels a sexual attraction.
But does the same apply for women?
Do women feel sexual attraction to men based mostly on looks? Or is something else going on?
Well, after studying this topic for over five full years now, I can tell you that women usually have their "attraction mechanisms" triggered by things OTHER than looks.
Have you ever noticed that you see a lot more average and unattractive men with beautiful women than the other way around?
Think about it.
Women are more attracted to certain qualities in men... and they're attracted to the way a man makes them FEEL than they are to looks alone.
If you know how to use your body language and communication correctly, you can make women feel the same kind of powerful sexual attraction to you that YOU feel when you see a hot, sexy young woman.
But it's not an accident. You have to LEARN how to do this.
And ANY guy can learn how...
MISTAKE #7: Thinking That It Takes Money And Looks
One of the most common mistakes that guys make is giving up before they've even gotten started... because they think that attractive women are only interested in men who have looks and money... or guys who are a certain height... or guys who are a certain age.
And sure, there are some women who are only interested in these things.
But MOST women are far more interested in a man's personality than his wallet or his looks.
There are personality traits that attract women like a magnet...
And if you learn what they are and how to use them, YOU can be one of these guys.
YOU DO NOT have to "settle" for a woman just because you aren't rich, tall, or handsome.
Let me say this again: If you know how to use your body language and communication correctly, you can make women feel the same kind of powerful sexual attraction to you that YOU feel when you see a hot, sexy young woman.
MISTAKE #8: Giving Away All Of Your Power To Women
Earlier I mentioned that it's a mistake to look to a woman for approval or permission.
Well, another similar tactic that a lot of guys use is GIVING AWAY THEIR POWER to women.
Said differently, guys try to get women to like them by doing whatever the woman wants.
Another bad idea...
Women are NEVER attracted to men that they can walk all over... Women aren't attracted to Wussies!
MISTAKE #9: Not Knowing EXACTLY What To Do In Each Type Of Situation With Women
Now I'm going to blow your mind...
A woman ALWAYS knows what you're thinking.
Women are approximately TEN TIMES better than men at reading body language. That's ten TIMES.
I know, it might be hard to believe. But for example, if you're out on a date with a woman, and you want to kiss her, she knows it.
And if you don't know exactly what to do and exactly HOW to kiss her, and you just sit there looking at her and getting nervous, she won't help!
And this goes for ALL aspects of women and dating...
Approaching a woman, getting her number, asking her out, kissing her, getting physical... everything.
If you don't know what to do in each situation, you will probably screw it up... and LOSE EVERYTHING.
And you KNOW it.
It is VITALLY important that you know EXACTLY how to go from one step to the next with a woman... from the first meeting, all the way to the bedroom.
MISTAKE #10: Not Getting HELP
This is the biggest mistake of all.
This is the mistake that keeps most men from EVER having the kind of success with women that they truly want.
I know, guys don't like to make themselves look weak or helpless. We don't like to ask for help.
Hey, I've been there myself.
Let me tell you a little about me and how I figured out how to be successful with women...
About five years ago I became fed up with the fact that I didn't know how to approach, meet, and get dates with women that I was attracted to.
It frustrated the hell out of me.
One night I was out with a friend, and I saw a woman I wanted to ask out, but I just couldn't get up the nerve to do it. I can still remember that night... right on the spot I made the decision to do whatever it took to learn how to be successful with women and dating.
Well, after a lot of hard work and trying all kinds of crazy things, I finally figured it all out.
I can now approach just about any woman and get her number almost instantly. I've dated models, I've dated actresses, and I've dated nice, normal, regular girls as well.
It has been a very rewarding experience. I no longer feel that sick, insecure feeling... like I don't know how to meet women... and I might wind up alone.
I know that anytime, anywhere, I can go out and meet attractive women.
Be yourself...anything else is just too hard to keep up.
If you're going to talk about me, have some courtesy and address me directly. I wouldn't expect a man to tolerate my bad behavior anymore than I would tolerate disrespectfulness in a man. If that makes me someone with 'gold in my underwear' so be it.
Not sure what you're talking about... This article is about women. They *are* frequently stupid when it comes to relationships. Surely you can't deny that? Men frequently are too, but this article isn't about men.
There ya go.
Real is just much more attractive than fake.
He doesn't say 'act like a jerk. He pinpointed what 'nice guys' often do (such as buying gifts or giving unreturned affection) that they think is nice, but does not work.
Notice I didn't mention you by name but if it'll make you feel better...PING!
Yes. If there's one thing I've learned from Cops is that it's not enough to be a loser, it's not enough to be an a-hole. You have to be both a loser and an a-hole. Then, and only then, will some woman be devoted enough to lean out of a trailer in a tank top and drop her cigarette in panic screaming, "Don't hurt 'im, he didn't mean it!"
Dogging behind a woman that doesn't like you isn't good, but I see nothing wrong with respecting a woman and giving her gifts.
Sorry if my high standards offends you but too bad.
I guess the article is being interpreted in a couple of ways. In some ways, I agree with him...but he puts it rather harshly.
Bottom line is that a guy that is trying wayyyyy hard seems desperate or clingy or both, and that ain't attractive. Same goes for us wimmin, I guess.
Was going to skip this, figuring that sometimes I'm just better off not knowing some things. Not to mention that I'm happily married 30 years, so who cares.
Read it anyway, some of it seems right.
Beyond what is right or wrong behavior, some women will just be attracted to you, while others will not, no matter what. And vice versa.
There's no doubt that ladies like it when a guy is very good at something, also.
Gurl.... I could care less about your standards, we are definitely not competing for the same kind of man. Men on a leash are not attractive to me.
Giving gifts in order to get affection from a woman who doesn't like him is what he was talking about. There is nothing women want to avoid more than a man who offers gifts as bait.
He's not saying 'don't be nice', he's saying don't say "Come on, like me, I'll buy you things and pay for dinner." He's saying it's a subtler form of appeal that is hard to teach with platitudes. If there's a fault in the article it's that it doesn't tell a man how to have charisma. In order to be well received by women, the affection has to be longed for first. Offer it too early or too often, and she's moving out instead of in.
I thought the article was fairly accurate. I have a feeling that, like most of the time in life, just being oneself is the best bet. If you are a jerk, you can't hide it too long anyway. 'Less you are a sociopath like Clinton.
I am NOT your GURL and you have no idea what I like so spare me.
Without mud and a $10 cover charge.
I think there are men who do offer gifts to certain women hoping that will get them to like them. I don't get articles like this because usually they're under a headline of 'how to attract a goreous woman',etc. I wonder if this man is married.
I think much of this works in a pre-marital situation. Once married, the rules change somewhat. Especially after the woman makes a trip to the bathroom with her friends. I've seen it more than once. A gal is deeply in love with some guy. Sometimes they're a jerk. Sometimes not. But in either case when she returns with the friends, I've seen a once loving and warm woman turn icy cold for the rest of the evening minimally and usually for the rest of the relationship.
It's a little harsh, analysis of human behavior is a really dirty science prone to offending many...
I like that he gets that its not that we want him to stop being nice, only that some of the things guys think are nice might be wasting energy in the wrong direction.
I think men and women have different definitions of nice, and that is getting in the way.
I think it's all about having self-confidence. If a man has self-confidence he won't think twice about doing whatever seems right. And I'm not talking about arrogant jerks.
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