"Well, St. Peter, I was riding my exercycle on the balcony of my apartment when something happened and the resistance belt got caught in the flywheel. Before I knew it I was catapaulted over the railing and falling the five floors down. Somehow I managed to catch hold of the balcony on the third floor. I was saying a prayer of thanks when some maniac starts punding on my hands and cursing at me. Eventually I was forced to let go. But I landed on an awning and survived. I was backing away from the building when a freezer comes flying out of the third floor window and crushes me, and, well, here I am."
The second one is a bit of a body-builder. St. Peter says, "What's your story?"
"Well, St. Peter, I was pretty sure my wife was cheating on me so I surprised her one lunch by coming into the apartment unanounced. Well, she was naked on the bed but I couldn't see a man anywhere. I searched the entire apartment and I couldn't find nobody. It's then that I notice somebody hanging on the railing of my balcony so I start swearing at him and banging on his fingers. He falls, but he survives by landing on an awning. I'm just as mad as ... er ... mad as anything so I look around for something to throw at the son-of-a- ... excuse me ... cheating b ... er ... person but all I see is this stand-up freezer we have so I throw it out at him. I hit him, too, but I guess the effort gave me a heart attack. I had a serious pain in my chest and then, bam, here I am."
St. Peter turns to the third man and says, "You?"
"OK, Picture this. Here I am standing naked in this freezer..."
Shalom.
ROTFLMAO!!!