February 15, 2005
February 16, 2005
February 17, 2005
Posted on 02/18/2005 10:27:37 AM PST by Fierce Allegiance
This blond walks into a bank in Manhattan and asks to speak to a loan officer. After a few minutes she is ushered into his office where she explains that she wants to borrow $5,000 for a 2 week vacation. The loan officer tells her he thinks he can accomodate her but will need some collateral. She puts some keys on his desk and points outside to a $250,000 Rolls-Royce parked in front.
The loan officer verifies title and agrees to the loan. The bank delivers the $5,000. The blonde goes on her way and the loan officer arranges to have the Rolls moved into the bank parking lot. Then they all sit around and laugh at the dumb blonde who would put a $250,000 Rolls-Royce as collateral for a $5,000 loan.
Two weeks later the blonde returns to the bank and asks to see the loan officer. "I'm here to settle my loan," she says.
The loan officer gets the paperwork and tells her, "With interest, your balance is $5,013.45. She pays the amount and he gives her the keys. As she's getting ready to leave he says, "Do you mind if I ask a question?"
"Certainly," the blonde replies.
"Well, we were very happy to do business with you and would be happy to help you anytime you ask. But, well, we checked you out and we find you're a multi-millionaire. You certainly didn't need to borrow $5,000 for this vacation. May I ask why you borrowed the money, and put up such an expensive car as collateral?"
"Oh, that's easy," the blonde answers. "Do you know anywhere else in Manhattan I can park a car for $13.45 and expect to get it back in the same condition I found it?"
I know, you thought it was going to be another dumb blonde joke.
Shalom.
I just did post a nice picture! Nicer than yours, I might add. . . . watery tart!
When Clinton was president, he attended the opening night of baseball.
Before the game began, he picked up Hillary by the collar and wasteband and threw her onto the field.
The Secret Service ran up and said: "No, no, Mr. President. You were supposed to throw out the first PITCH."
Reminds me of Jeff Foxworthy: Women always want to know what men are thinking. Here it is: We want a beer and we want to see something naked.
Bob: Here's the last of our five-point questions. Girls, tell me where, specifically, is the weeeeeiirdest place that you personally, girls, have ever gotten the urge the make whoopee. The weirdest place. Olga?
Olga: Umm . . . (audience laughter)
[pause]
Bob: Yes, Olga?
Olga: Uh . . .
Henry: Go ahead.
Bob: Yes, Olga.
Olga: I'm trying to think. Umm . . . [Turns to husband.] Gee Henry, what did you say?
Bob: Hey, don't ask him. He can't help you out at all.
Olga: Is it in the a$$? [Last three words bleeped]
Bob: No no no . . . no . . . what I'm talking about is the weirdest location, the weirdest place . . .
Olga: The weirdest location. I don't know. [Laughs]
Hank: [Laughs uproariously]
How touching. I think I'm going to cry.
hehehe
And you think "Napoleon Dynamite" is better?!
What makes this sound:
Vroomm, SCreech, VROOOM, Screech, VROOM, screech
Answer- A blonde at a flashing red light.
A young student once asked, "Rabbi, why do you always answer a question with a question?"
The Rabbi replied, "Do I do that?"
Shalom.
Did you hear about the guy in Paris who almost got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre? After planning the crime and getting in and out past security, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas.
When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied, "Monsieur, I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."
...and you thought I lacked De Gaulle to tell a story like that......
APATHY IS LETHAL!!!!
GOSH!
Heard this one on TV earlier this week:
A skeleton walks into a bar and says to the bartender "Give me a beer and a mop."
Gandhi lived, thought and acted inspired by the vision of humanity evolving toward a world of peace and harmony.
He held his beliefs so strongly that he transversed India, barefooted, in an attempt to impart his mystic understandings to others.
Imagine, walking for miles and miles over such terrain. Oblivious to the pain and to the very real physical damage that you are causing to your feet...callouses upon callouses.
When necessary, Gandhi would go on hunger strikes in order to gain worldwide attention for his cause...a world devoid of
hate and war. Of course, numerous hunger strikes left the man thin and frail and even caused him to have cronic bad breath (a little know fact)
Can you imagine being so devoted to your beliefs? So dedicated to the betterment of mankind?
Some say Gandhi was crazy, some say his was a saint....as for me, I will always think of him as "the super fragile calloused mystic hexed by halitosis".
{ducking... waiting for groans}
Weather's gotta suck up there right now. Come on down and bring me a case of whatever.
In pharmacology, all drugs have two names - a trade name and a generic
name. For example, the trade name Tylenol® is acetaminophen. Aleve® is
known as naproxen, Amoxil® is amoxicillin, and Advil® is ibuprophen.
The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra®. After
consideration by a team of experts, it recently announced it has
settled on the generic name of mycoxafloppin.
Also considered were mycoxafailin, mydixadrupin, mydixarizin,
mydixadud, dixafix, and of course ibepokin.
Pfizer Corp. is making an announcement today that Viagra® will soon be
available in liquid form and will be marketed by Pepsi® Cola as a power
beverage suitable for use as a mixer. Pepsi's proposed ad campaign
claims it will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a
stiff one.
Obviously, we can no longer call this a soft drink. This additive gives
new meaning to the names of cocktails and highballs. Pepsi will market
the new formula by the name, Mount & Do.
It will be done.
IMHO: If a guy is straight, goodies means sex.
Shalom.
Owl_Eagle
"You know, I'm going to start thanking
the woman who cleans the restroom in
the building I work in. I'm going to start
thinking of her as a human being"-Hillary Clinton
(Yes, she really said that
Peggy Noonan
The Case Against Hillary Clinton, pg 55)
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