Yeah!!! Silly Friday.....
A tongue-tied man goes into a nut shop, and the first thing he
notices is that the guy behind the counter has the largest nose he's ever seen.
The tongue-tied guy quickly turns his attention to the merchandise and
asks, "Ess-tues me, sir?"
"Yes?" replies the clerk.
"Tould you tale me how mutsh your pisstasheos arr?"
"Pistachio's? They're six dollars a pound."
"SSit!" The tongue-tied guy goes back to browsing and then asks,
"Welp, how mutsh arr your aahhmons?"
"Almonds? They're seven fifty a pound."
"SSIT! tas pensive," replies the tongue-tied man. "Welp, how bout
your pikanns?"
"Pecans? They're on sale today, they're only four fifty a pound."
"Welp, Ssit. Just div me a pound of dose dhen."
"All right then," says the clerk as he begins bagging up a pound of
pecans.
Then the tongue-tied guy says to the clerk, "Sirr, I just wanna tay
tank you for not making fun of de way I talk, cauz I tan't hep it."
The clerk replies with a smile. "Oh sir, you don't have to thank me
for that I don't make fun of anybody. I don't know if you noticed but
I have a rather large nose."
The tongue-tied guy replies, "Oh, is dat your noze? I tought dat wuz
your pecker since your nuts are so high."
One Friday night his roomate convinces him to go to a dance just to give it a try. So he goes, but he just kind of hangs on a wall and refuses to approach anyone or try to join into the festive mood.
After a while his roommate comes up to him and points out a fairly attractive young lady who also seems to be spending the party holding up a wall. The roommate says, "See that girl over there."
"Yeah."
"Well," the roomate continues, "I've been talking to her roommate and it appears you two have a lot in common. She has a hair-lip and is very self-conscious about it. Now I bet it would be safe for you to go over there and ask her to dance."
The guy thinks about it for a while and finally decides it might be safe. So he works his way over to the girl who has been watching him out of the corner of her eye. "Excuse me," he says, "but would you care to dance with me?"
"Would I?!" she says. "Would I?!"
Appalled, the man shouts back, "Hair-lip, hair-lip!" and runs from the party.
Shalom.