I need help with marriage troubles (vanity)

[kerouacbal]

I am 26 years old and have been married for 2 years. I am having trouble growing up and I am driving my wife nuts. It has gotten to the point that my wife talks about divorce almost every day. I want to work this out more then I every wanted anything but I can't seem to do it or do it quick enough. I can't seem to remember consistently to do every day things like take out the garbage make sure all the doors are locked and the heat is off at night (there is a lot more but won't get into it all). I am posting this here to try to get some advise on how to help my self grow up and start to take care of my wife and son better like a husband should. My parents are dead and I don't have a close family member or friend to get advise from. Could someone please help me.

[cspackler]

Sounds o me like she's looking for excuses.

[Fatalis]

How to Save Your Marriage Alone

[tiki]

If you are serious and are truly wanting advice then you need to post more in depth.

Do you have a job? Are you supporting your family?

As far as the things to do, ask your wife to remind you and do it when she reminds you. Treat your wife with the respect that you want for yourself and don't sell yourself short.

[kerouacbal]

I don't cheat and have a better job and make more money then most people my age. This is about the lack of a partnership in the marriage. She can't depend on me for anything.

[OldFriend]

Stop making excuses for yourself.

[Marysecretary]

I would consider getting counselling (both of you) and perhaps, as others have indicated, get tested for ADD. I believe my son has ADD. He has a hard time keeping a good job and is quite overwhelmed by the responsibilities of raising his three sons by himself. It's not easy for people with ADD. There are places you can go for help with this. Tell your doctor and ask him to recommend a place where you can be trusted. Your child deserves two good parents. I wish you the very best!

[Miss Marple]

Being organized is not a trait most people are born with. Regarding things like lights out, garbage out, etc. you need to establish a routine. Place reminder notes on the light switch, the door, etc. Make lists of things you need to do every day. MAKE yourself go through the list and do those things every single day. It will take you about 30 days to establish a habit of doing these things.

I also recommend counseling for both of you. Sounds to me that while you are not organized, she is not patient. Both are attributes necessary for you two to get along.

Call your pastor for a referral for counseling. This is NOT something to be ashamed of, but rather soomething that will help you both to have a successful marriage.

My prayers are for both of you, that you can overcome this bad patch and have a long and happy life together.

[Rebelbase]

My sypathies. There is nothing more frustrating for a man than to be in a dammned if you do and dammned if you don't relationship with a woman.

Sounds like she brow beats you and is overbearing.

[Kenton]

I can't seem to remember consistently to do every day things like take out the garbage make sure all the doors are locked and the heat is off at night (there is a lot more but won't get into it all).

I hate to say it, but it sounds like the bloom is off the rose. When the little lady finds fault with everything you say or do, it may have reached the stage where she's just trying very hard to give you the message that it's over as far as she is concerned. When she's threatening divorce over taking out the garbage, well, let's just say that it ain't really about the garbage.

Maybe you do need to do some growing up, and realizing that is the first step in doing so. Don't be too surprised if whatever you do just won't be good enough for the wife.

[HairOfTheDog]

So what are you doing instead of these piddly chores? Playing video games?

My wife says I am like living with a 12 year old.

Honestly, you write like a 8 year old, so your wife may be too kind.

Hint... Your marriage does not depend on you taking the garbage out. It depends on how long she has to go on nagging and teaching you what grownups DO all day. Look around for stuff that needs done and do it.

[Rebelbase]

sympathies.

[PayNoAttentionManBehindCurtain]

Well, you've admitted you're the problem, now stop making excuses about why you're the problem.

I've been married 30 years. It has never been/gotten easy. Tell you're wife that marriage is "for better or worse . Divorce is the answer of selfishness. There's a child involved here, it's not about you or her anymore, it's about the kid.

Becky

[Al Gator]

LMAO

Drink, Drink, everyone Drink, it's not as bad as they used to think.......

[A knight without armor]

Join the Army. Why not? Are you past their age limit or something?

BTW, I doubt this is legit. If anything it is the WIFE who wrote this plea. Rarely would someone say, "I am having trouble growing up..." Come on, nobody says that. I wouldn't want to be around an adult who spouts that.

[Judith Anne]

Try the chores list first. After all, that's her complaint, deal with the specific complaint.

If things don't improve after some weeks of doing the obvious, then you can look at other problems, if they exist.

PS. Do NOT game or FReep all the time, or even a couple of off-work hours. It really cuts into wife and child time--get away from the computer. You have a REAL wife, a REAL child, and a REAL life. Live it.

Married 34 years to the man of my dreams.

[speed_addiction]

Not so for his son...

I was just being facetious. It does not sound like his wife and him are having major troubles. Seems more like she gets a bit bitchy about little things he does or leaves undone. Women do that, part of the package when one gets married. I have yet to grow up myself and have come to the conclusion that I just never will. At least not when it comes to motorcycles. I am divorced and now have a girlfriend after going through quite a few to find the right one. The "right one" has to accept two things about me without question because they will cause problems later if she doesn't. One: I ride motorcycles. Have for 30 years and no one is going to make me stop. Two: My dog is part of the package.

[Nataku X]

No offense, but you're not the one in the wrong here. If you're willing to fix it and your wife isn't... then your WIFE is the problem, not you.

[Lazamataz]

She won't go to counseling

I hate to be the one to tell you this, but your marriage is very likely to be doomed.

If either party will not admit that they have a hand in the problems they both face, it's not a recipe for success.

I wish you well.

[mysterio]

I thought we were about defending and preserving marriage here. This guy needs advice, not posting police.

[processing please hold]

The best advice I have heard so far.

Know what is expected of each other.....very sound advice.