Maude and Ethel were on their way to bingo at the senior center. Maude was driving.
They came to a red light and Maude ran it. Ethel decided not to say anything.
They came another red light and Maude ran it. Ethel looked at Maude, shrugged, and decided not to say anthing.
They cam to the third red light and Maude ran it. Ethel looked over at Maude and said "You know, that's the 3rd red light you've run?"
At which point Maude said, "Oh, am I driving?"
Three friends from the local congregation were asked, "When you're in your
casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what
would you like them to say?"
Artie said: "I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine
spiritual leader, and a great family man."
Eugene commented: "I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and
servant of God who made a huge difference in peoples lives."
Don said: "I'd like them to say, 'Look! He's moving!"
A man goes to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I
have to talk to you about it."
The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?"
The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me."
The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?"
The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me. What
should I do?"
The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her. I'll see what I
can find out and I'll let you know."
A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says. "I spoke to your wife ~ spoke
to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?"
The man said yes, and the Rabbi replied, "Take the poison."