[TheBigB]

TGIF!

[TheGrimReaper]

[hispanarepublicana]

Here's my "Friday Silliness" contribution for those of who might appreciate this: WARNING--FOUL LANGUAGE (but Spanish)

---

INTER-OFFICE MEMO
TO: ALL MEXICAN STAFF
SUBJECT: IMPROPER LANGUAGE USAGE

It has been brought to our attention by serveral officials visiting our establishments, that offensive language is commonly used by our local staff.

Such behavior, in addition to violating NAFTA's policy, is highly unprofessional and offensive.

Both visitors and staff, will immediately adhere to the following rules:

1. Words like "coño, carajo, chingada" and other such expressions, will not be used for emphasis, no matter how heated the discussion is.

2. You will not say "pendejo" or "la cagó", when someone makes a mistake, or "la está pendejeando" or "cagando" if you see somebody being reprimended, or "que pendejada" or "que cagada" when a major mistake has been made. All forms derivated of the verbs "pendejear" and "cagar" are inappropriate in our environment.

3. No project manager, section head or administrator, under any circumstances will be referred to as "hijo de su chingada madre, hijo de puta, cabron" or "ojete".

4. Lack of determination, will not be referred to as "falta de huevos, pinche puto" or "maricon"; nor will persons who lack initiative be referred to as "culero" or "pendejo".

5. Unusual or creative prime's and subco's ideas not to be referred to as "puñetas mentales".

6. Do not say "como chinga" or "como jode" if a person is persistent, or "esta jodido" if a co-worker is going through a difficult situation. Furthermore, you must not say "que chinga" when matters become complicated.

7. When asking someone to leave you alone, you must not say "vete a la chingada" or "vete al carajo", nor should you ever substitute "May I help you?" with "Que chingados quieres?".

8. When things get tough, an acceptable expression such as "We are going through a difficult time" should be used, rather than "esto esta de la chingada". Additionally if you make a mistake, just say so and do not say "la cagué".

9. No salary increase shall be referred to as "esto esta de la puta madre."

10. Under no circumstances should you call our elderly industrial partners as "pinches viejos putos".

11. When in a hurry, never use expressions such as "andale cabron" or "orale putos".

12. The words "te la pelas" should not be used to discourage someone.

13. When a problem is not your responsibility, you must not say "no es mi pedo".

[OXENinFLA]

"We are NOT staying here next season"

[MotleyGirl70]

Lunchtime...

A roll of paper towels...yeah, that should be plenty.

[abigailsmybaby]

Got this in an email yesterday...

The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for blood plasma.

No piece of paper can be folded in half more than 7 times.

Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.

You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.

Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are 50 years of age or older.

The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.

The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache.

American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating 1 olive from each salad served in first-class.

Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.

Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.

Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.

The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer. So did the first "Marlboro Man."

Walt Disney was afraid of mice.

Pearls melt in vinegar.

The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.

It is possible to lead a cow upstairs...but not downstairs.

A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.

Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least 6' away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.

Richard Millhouse Nixon was the first U.S. president whose name contains all the letters from the word "criminal." The second? William Jefferson Clinton.

And the best for last.....

Turtles can breathe through their butts.

Now you know everything there is to know

[Wolfstar]

[waiyu]

There was once a cathedral whose bell-ringer had died. After the funeral one of the priests began holding auditions for a replacement. After several days and hundreds of tries, the priest just wasn't happy with any of the applicants. Finally, at the end of the final day of auditions, just as the priest was about to give up, a man with no arms stepped up and asked the priest if he could try. Puzzled the priest asked the man how he intended to pull the ropes to make the bells chime. The man with no arms assured the priest he would be able to perform the job so the priest gave him a chance. Once in the bell tower the man with no arms reared back his head and slammed it into the largest bell. All of a sudden the bells rang in unison so beautifully the priest almost cried at the sound. "You're hired!" yelled the priest over the noise. But the man was so dizzy from the impact that he stumbled around and finally fell out of the window. Horrified, the priest ran downstairs where 3 monks were standing over the body.
"Priest, who was this man?"
"I don't know, but his face sure rings a bell!"
(Wait, it gets better!)

So, the next day a man comes to the cathedral and asks to meet with the priest. The man explains that he is the brother of the man with no arms and wishes to take his brothers place in the bell tower. The priest agrees to give the man an audition and takes him to the tower. The priest hands the man a mallet and asks him to swing when ready. The man reared back the mallet... and fell over dead from a heart attack. The same 3 monks just happen to be passing by and ran over to see what had happened.
"Priest, who was this man?"
"I don't know, but he is a dead ringer for his brother."

[NewLand]

[506trooper]

I'll drink to that!

[blondatheart]

bump for later read

[diamond6]

bttt

[diamond6]

Can someone post this?

http://www.csr-networks.com/boobies.gif

I don't know how.

[Frog Legs]

[Peace Is Coming]