And now for something completely different - and scary!
ROSEANNE has nothing but bile for tubby TV talkmeister Dr. Phil: "I want to go on record and say that I hate Dr. Phil and I would fight a grudge match with him if I were a wrestler," she rants to Chaunce Hayden's Steppin' Out magazine.
"Dr. Phil is just a used car salesman with barnyard psychology. [Does anyone know what this means?] Once he turns off those cameras, nobody does anything that he says. He's a fat slob talking about how to lose weight. Who wants to hear that? . . . I just hate Dr. Phil and his wife! I shouldn't go off like this, but he's just so stupid and the cause of the dumbing down of America. [We thought it was the NEA, go figure]
It's so purely evident if you just watch five minutes of this guy. He's just a huckster used car salesman, scam artist . . . I'd like to knock the [bleep] out of him! Dr. Phil is Hitler! I think he's Hitler reincarnated!
When Dr. Phil and his wife had President Bush and his wife on their show, it was probably the scariest thing ever seen on television."
Roseanne also ruminates on turning 50: "I do miss PMS — it was the only time of the month I could be myself." [You mean this wasn't a PMS-induced rant? Yikes!] (Page Six)
Yuck, a Gore trying to be funny - not a pretty sight:
'ONE OF my favorite 'operations' was 'Operation Just Cause.' Whenever I heard it, I had acted out a little dia logue in my head. 'Why are we invading this country?' one voice would say. 'Just cause,' the other would reply. Clearly, the government could do a better naming job."
So writes new author Kristin Gore in her charming novel about life as a congressional aide and on the campaign trail. Her fresh fiction "Sammy's Hill" is a delightful read and right up there in the hot "chick lit" genre, but this one has brains.
If you like Bridget Jones and girls of that ilk, you'll love Kristin's heroine, Samantha, a hypochondriac and insecure, upwardly mobile smartie looking for love in all of Washington's wrong places.
Yes, author Gore is the daughter of former Veep Al Gore. But if you're a Republican, don't hold that against her book. It's a really wonderful read.
(Liz Smith, in full sycophantic throttle)